Ben Tumbling Discusses Elevator Etiquette

1. Don't press five floors at the same time hah, it's sobrang hassle kaya to the other people who have actual offices to go to noh. You're not playing BINGO kaya in Megamall.

2. If you're in a hurry to go up, don't make gigil while making pindot the UP button. Kasi naman noh, there's no point in doing that. It's like banging the keyboard or the enter key when you're sobrang poot na rin with your squatter na chatmate. In due time kaya. Duh.

3. I usually cover my nose in the presence of the urban poor noh, pero if you're sobrang amoy pawis ha, just wait for the next available car and make solo na lang noh. Ew, baho.

4. Don't fart when you're siksikan na with the urban masa. Nobody's going to make amin kaya. And what makes it more pangit is when everybody starts rolling their eyeballs and makes that sobrang yucked-out na face feeling nila di sila umuutot like me.

5. Don't make kuwento in palengkera mode about your recent problems in life ha. Nobody cares kaya about your deepwell na tubig noh. For real.

6. There was this one time ha, I was alone in the elevator with my Amigang Joyce and this other old lady na mukhang led lights on a DSL modem. Kasi naman noh, everything on her's green kaya, from her tattooed eyebrows to her earrings to her shocking vomit green blazer. Wala lang, share ko lang.

7. Don't be feeling maganda when somebody smiles at you noh. Like what I do with Princess Baldo, we wave and say hi to the poor people din.

8. Always let the people go out of the car first. Don't be ugaling bollocks naman when you're in a hurry to get in. Let naman the other people get out first before you get in. Hello, it's common courtesy kaya.