Sunday, July 19, 2009

A Lazy Blogger's Excuse Post

**You'll know when a blogger's gone AWOL if he reposts and then follows that up with an excuse.

A month of absence, and my comeback's a repost. I'm doing it on purpose though. The absence tells me that I'm mostly uninspired, and the repost tells you that I'm really running out of things to write about. I saw A Year in the Life of Joanne Rowling, J.K. Rowling, and it mentioned something very helpful about writing. Writing is, for most writers, some sort of therapy that enables writers to make sense of the world around them. I used to write for the therapeutic value, but getting the hits and the page rank and the paid advertisements blurred that guiding principle and turned me commercial. It was in the height of my sponsored reviews that I started getting deadlines, and then I realized that I'm no longer writing for fun.

Writing and therapy then became two distinct ideas that are suddenly independent of each other. And then I realized that I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I don't have a laptop, let alone a DSL connection, but a spirited writer with a gushing brimful of inspiration will find a way to post. But I have a plan: I will find a way to get a laptop first, and then I will find a way to get DSL, and then I will write about making excuses like its no one else's business. It might take me about six months worth of installments to own a laptop; owning and getting are two different ideas. And then I will need to suffer about two weeks of poor customer service to be able to subscribe to some third world DSL service they have here in the Philippenis.

I will have a lot of ideas by then, complaints more likely, and I will be so in the zone. At least I have a plan.
What I'm trying to say, really, is that I'm this lazy fag with a real knack for excuses that don't cut it. You're looking at my blog, I'm not sure reading's the right term, and feel free to unsubscribe from my readership. No, please don't.

And I really don't know where I'm getting these hits. Really. Thank you goes a long way, whoever you are!

A Repost from Christmas of 2004

This was a letter I wrote to this guy I'm speaking with online for nine months now, and just two months ago, I found out that I was actually flirting with a straight guy. Well, it came as a big motherfuck of a shock to me, and and the first thing I had in mind was that I was barking at the wrong tree. I might as well terminate the correspondence for what it's worth.

I'm mighty impressionable by nature, and sometimes, that is a weakness.

By the way, I referred to him in the third person in this letter for the purposes of narration.

Wonald and myself are in good speaking terms again. He's straight, I'm gay, and maybe I'm just clearly stupid or whatnot, but I used to think we were flirting. It appeared to me, at least. What's even funnier was that I even overreacted to a situation brought about by my own reckless abandon.

It's a box full of treasure and bloodsucking tentacles.Fortunately, I was able to pacify my frustration with a generous lamentation on my inexcusable lack of caution, and I apologized to myself, profusely, for almost allowing lightning to strike twice. Silly me, but I hope we're okay now, and I think we are. I even find it comfortable hearing him talk about his girlfriend, and thank God for that.

He's straight, damn straight, and the news is as comforting as a level-8 healing spell, to put it in RPG-talk.

I'm gay, he's straight, I'm a moth, and he's this enchanting flame on a dancing candle wick. But I'm a moth with a burned wing, so I'm smarter, and I know better than to get the other one singed. Straight people leave me flightless, and for the love of me, I'd rather be available crippled than to be permanently handicapped at all.

You do understand where I'm coming from, right?

Temptations are only interesting when they're delightfully attainable, but for the most part, the thrill of the hunt begins to fade as soon as the object of your attention withdraws all possible avenues of interest.

But hey, he is, for all the right reasons, a most fine gentleman, and he could never have stressed it enough himself. I still find it quite curious though, how two upbeat men of varying sexual orientations get to maintain a delightful correspondence online. And even more so now, when all polite restrictions, all in the name of common courtesy of course, have been established.

The question remaining is how wonderful will the spontaneity be in this kind of agreement? It might sound helplessly futile, but how do I let go of an understanding which aims to question my basic understanding of these matters. I have always led myself to believe that anyone you meet online is a potential love-interest, otherwise, they're simply a waste of my precious time. It's basically THAT black and white. But in this case, I have no other reason to cling on to, maybe that pleasant realization that there does exist an interesting alternative. Apparently, I've struck gold since no other gentle wisdom characteristic of this intelligent asshole would even bear to tolerate my gay and overflowing bitching.

But seriously, the question "where do we go from here," is also considerable, but that would imply terminating something as delightful for what it's worth. And I would like nothing better than to see how two bitching assholes of varying sexual orientations would tolerate communicating with each other on a semi-regular basis.

Basically, you're online, and you've pleasantly butchered all dwindling hope of an "extra-curricular friendship." You just love my honesty, don't you? Simply put, it's flirting online minus all the strict reasons with which flirting is defined. And though it was made so bleeding clear, I still go for it with a sheepish grin, wondering how in the world this will progress.

This post, however obscure, had a comment.


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