Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Horror Movie Review #19: 2001 Maniacs

Directed By: Tim Sullivan
Release Date: 21 October 2005
Running Time: 87 minutes
Language: English
Horror Type: Very Violent Ghosts
Sex? - Oh hell yeah
Gore? - Unforgettable

Its got Robert Englund, that sexy southern accent I can never get enough of, and, for a treat, a fantastic money shot of a gay scene that did astonishing wonders to my nocturnal emissions. Robert Englund, however amazing he was as F.K., never did the gay scene, so that's a thankful bonus. The kill scenes are gory, generous and altogether remarkable in detail, and they work well with this gruesome ghost story, yes, that takes us back to the Great American Civil War.

Look out for the sweet kill scene after this ghost story reveals itself.

Momel's Rating: 4/5

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Horror Movie Review #18: See No Evil

Directed By: Gregory Dark

Release Date: 19 May 2006 (USA)

Running Time: 84 minutes

Language: English
Horror Type: Psycho Mama's Boy Killers
Sex? - A bit
Gore? - Yes

World Wrestling Federation superstar Kane kills off a group of delinquents in this barely-there slasher flick that's as tired as they get. He's this towering hulk of evil intent that uses the strength of his fingers to pop out his victim's eyeballs. Why? So they see no evil. Get it? Anyway, it can be argued that he does this all in the name of Jesus; this mama's boy had a severely Christian upbringing which, ironically, caused him to gouge eyeballs in his adulthood. Twisted? Not really. I mean, not enough for a real horror movie.

He used to do choke slams and tombstones when he was a wrestler. He gouges eyeballs out as serial killer. You'd hope they transitioned him well as a psychotic super murderer, but no.

Momel's Rating: 3/5

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Momel's Horror Quiz Part 1

**I devised this quiz myself, and, being the sore enthusiast that I still am, I know all the answers by heart. This is how some geeks are conceived.

Click on the link at the bottom for the answers.

1. In which episode were the Crypt Keeper's parents revealed? And what's his mother's show name? His father?

2. What chemical caused zombies to reanimate in Return of the Living Dead?

3. In the Resident Evil series, which private company was responsible for the annihilation of Raccoon City?

4. Who said "They're coming to get you, Barbara!"

5. Who was the hero in the Army of Darkness series?

6. Who played Anne Rice's Queen of the Damned?

7. What is the name of the Queen of the Damned?

8. Who was the Devil who possessed Regan in "The Exorcist?"

9. Who played Regan MacNeill in "The Exorcist"

10. Jason Voorhees was supposedly drowned as a kid in which summer camp?

11. Who gave his voice to animate the CryptKeeper puppet?

12. What do you call Pinhead's minions in the Hellraiser series?

13. Which toymaker designed and created the puzzlebox which trapped Pinhead and his minions?

14. Which actor played Freddie Kruegger?

And here are your answers:
1. Episode: Lower Berth. His Parents: Myrna the Mummy (his mommy...) and Enoch the Two Faced Man (his pa)
2. That chemical compound is Trioxin. Of course you didn't know that.
3. Umbrella Corp.
4. It was a famous line delivered by her brother, Johnny. He died.
5. Ash, played by the infamous Bruce Campbell. Personally, the Jim Carrey of B Movies.
6. Aaliyah. God bless her sweet soul.
7. Queen Akasha kicks ass with her sexy demonic dancing and her ability to will any vampire to spontaneous combustion.
8. Pazuzu. How do I know all these? Well, I just do. He hee
9. Linda Blair. And it was her most famous role, too.
10. Camp Crystal Lake. Drowning almost did him when he fought Freddie Kruegger in Freddie VS Jason.
11. John Kassir. You can't miss that name when you've watched the first three seasons twice.
12. The Cenobites were a very interesting crew of deformed demons who pledged allegiance to Pinhead after he's had his way with their mortal bodies. They're mortal no more
13. Philippe Le Marchand. Sexy name.
14. Robert Englund. I also love love him and his Southern Accent in the remake of 2001 Maniacs.

My Blogroll

**I'm doing this to economize the topsy turvy mess that is my sidebar. You will soon be seeing, where my blog roll used to be, a JPEG link that will redirect to this page. As they say with the word count in an alibi, less is more. But this doesn't mean that I also trimmed the contents of my roll. Worry not and shush your uneasy pie holes sweethearts, you're still here.

Oh, and the JPEG image, the banner on the right was something I used to represent the same roll TWO years ago. Sigh. Memories. Anyone got a violin I can play?

Closer to Home
Miseducation of the Damned Virgin
Mandaya Moore
The Devilish Queen
Malayang Paruparo
They Call Me Maruja: A Colorful Life at Random

Pat Caulfield
Jessica Rules the Universe
Kritikong Sosyal (Prosetitute)
Strut Your Stuff

Adrenalin Rush
And Maalindog na Mandirigma ng Shanara
Bold at Porn ni Dandy
Bulitas sa Ilong
Harsh Poetic Chaos
Hush and Listen to Khalel
Jeepney Diaries
Life's Just Exciting!
Ma-Ma-Ma My Tarugo!
My Name is Brew
My Pineapple Under the Sea
Sharp Ice
The Ramblings and Nocturnal Desires of AlexHates

Horror Movie Sites
Horror Movie a Day
Final Girl
Night of the Creeps
Wet Streets
LOL Horror
Gorginfoogle's Movie Guide
The Film Fiend
The League of Tana Tea Drinkers (LOTTD)

Other Very Helpful Sites and References
Making Expandable Posts in Blogger
Check Page Rank
Word Count Tool
The Internet Movie Database
My Multiple Site

**Props and snaps to for keeping my roll tight all these years.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Back To the Old Writing Board

I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good. And I will still be writing my reviews. But they will be, shall we say, reduced to bite size pieces on account of the pressure that the word count impresses upon my creative economy.

Wordy! What I'm saying is that the earlier reviews are queen bitches in their detail-specific glory, and they make my shit hard. Anyone got a spare laxative I can use?

Oh, anyone ready for a horror movie quiz? I'm writing one now, nothing much, fifteen items, but I want to see if there are any real aficionados out there.

I'm dead serious. I'm swearing by my bowel movement.

In Case You Were Wondering Why I Slowed Down With the Reviews

**If you look at it closely, there is some sort of a moral buried here somewhere.

My horror reviews simmered at seventeen.

I could have said peaked, but I didn't, on account of I'm still desensitized myself and am seeking greater pleasure elsewhere. I could have said "My horror reviews peaked at seventeen," but I didn't. I said simmered, and there is still a big difference. Diction is key, and no, don't be stupid with your "why the fuck is this fag talking about diction when I ain't hearing him fake the American accent none."

See here, according to Mr Webster:

There is a horror behind this recession slash hiatus. It came to a point when I needed to have a pen and some paper BEFORE I even plug the DVD in because I'm looking out for some clever epiphany in the course of my viewing pleasure. It was necessary, because I needed to collect my clever and these details in writing. So I needed to have a pen and something to write with while I'm watching some horror flick. They say I look cute when I multi-task.

Anyway, that's how I get things done, and the way things were done was becoming mighty tiring. It became more of a task than a pleasant distraction, and it takes the fun out of watching a horror movie because, back then, I was thinking of writing a kick ass review. Seventeen reviews later, and I'm still mighty sore as a consequence.


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