Friday, September 16, 2016

Shit I Wrote About Facebook

Do not get me wrong, My Dearly Beloved, I like to Facebook. See, nothing compares to the disappointment of finding out how much time you've wasted on other people's business. Absolutely nothing. There is masturbation, but that dedicated art of pounding dick at least erupts in this satisfying climax that is both familiar and addictive. Like-ing does not get you anywhere near the object of your predatory erection's pants.
Oh wait. It does.

Meanwhile, here's a list of nonsense writing that's pointed at everybody's favorite waste of time. That includes myself, of course. I've been writing about Facebook since 2010. This blog's first write up, however, was posted in 2003. It's about breakfast. I have very little to show for it aside from this list that's nine items strong. I will argue, however, that the time I spent on Facebook was dedicated to pure research. And if you ask me, I am not buying that research shit.

1. My Rules on Facebook Likes (Thursday, November 20, 2014)

2. A Message for You Facebook Philosophers (Sunday, September 04, 2011)

3. What to Write on Jesus' Facebook Wall (Friday, May 24, 2013)

4. Truly, Facebook Brings Out the Attention Whore in Each of Us (Wednesday, March 17, 2010)

5. The Seven Annoying Facebook Posters (Introducing The Loser Meter!) (Sunday, November 07, 2010, and this was reposted just recently because it is still relevant)

6. Here's a Tip on What To Like in Facebook (Saturday, June 25, 2011)

7. I Hate Your "Omg I'm So Ugleeeehhh Huhuhu" Facebook Selfie (Friday, August 02, 2013)

8. This is Why I Hate Your Second "I'm Bored" Facebook Status (Friday, July 26, 2013)

9. Blog Soup #11: Your Facebook Status Sucks, Breaking the Three Month Rule, and Hooray for Smelly Third World Shit! (Wednesday, January 05, 2011)



  2. I like Facebook because (to borrow Jewel's words) I like seeing people more fucked up than me. It isn't schadenfreude per se but I get why you likened it to whacking off.



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