Friday, May 24, 2013

What to Write on Jesus' Facebook Wall

**I've written about this in one of my posts1, but I have I decided to devote this week's update to this relatively pressing issue. 

Say for example you are a Christian, and you wish to express your Christian faith in the best trending way you know how. You look for Jesus Christ in Facebook. And so you did, but it's suddenly a confusing mess because there are lots, as in Goddamn shit loads, of Jesus Christs in Facebook. It's like a plague of Jesus Christ locusts out there. 

Choooose Your Jesus!

Anyway, this doesn't stop you from your most Christian mission. You need to tell Jesus something, or die trying. Prayer used to be the only sure fire way to get Him a message, but seeing as most prayers are left unanswered because God works in mysterious ways anyway, you yield to something more visible. More 2013. More bandwagon-ish. Hey, if everybody else is doing it, then why can't you? Right? So you lose the sign of the cross, and looked for a Jesus to subscribe to. Or Like. Of course, the operative term here is visible. You want your Facebook friends to see Jesus Christ in your Interests page. 

Meanwhile, you still cannot choose which Jesus Christ to subscribe to. Luckily, most of them have links to their own websites, but you're in a hurry, so you offer your Like to the first Jesus you see. You will have a new life in Candy Crush in another two minutes, so you can't be bothered to check their individual links. That's your problem. As for me, I am suddenly devoted to this one Jesus in particular, Jesus H Christ, because he's a jerk. And, on a personal note, Jerks Rule! But this one Jerk is a Savior to God's sheep, so Liking him is a win-win situation for sure. Here's a fine selection of Jesus H. Christ's recent status updates: 

And I quote: "Not a bad bathroom shot, if I do say so myself....."

I am loving Jesus more today than yesterday. Thank you Facebook. Having said that, one of the other reasons why I chose to enlarge on Jesus' Facebook Wall is the title. What to Write in Jesus' Facebook Wall. Catchy shit, isn't it? And this is what you write in Jesus' Facebook Wall. 

I haven't posted this in Jesus' Wall yet. Let's keep this a secret, but the thing is, I fear the wrath of Jesus' online flock. All 19,318,814 of them. There is strength in numbers, not to mention the strength in one's online faith. That there is unbelievable. And I don't want to mess with them. For real. See, I could be reported to Facebook. And that will be a threat to my Facebook account. And I don't want to lose my Facebook profile yet, because that there is my only visible association with Jesus these days. And I have a score to settle with that spawn of the devil, Candy Crush. 

1 Made you click. It's the next post, really. And I'll see you guys next week.


  1. Momel, so what would Jesus write on your Facebook wall? I bet it's something like ...

    "I'm coming for you Momel.

    Muahhhnessss from Heaven."


    1. Momel8:14 PM
      Haha, I never thought of that, Pogi. Honestly. That can be another post, but I bet it will be the most conceited motherfucker I will ever write, so I... I dunno. Hoy Kane! I really wish that you, I'm not good at this, but I wish that you may have found Mr Right. Blah, see?

      Huy, you think I scared away your readers with that comment? I didn't mean to, okay. And if I did, I'm somewhat sorry. I mean, that's a joke.

      And thanks thanks for dropping by, Kane. Seriously. I'm beginning to think they're ignoring me. Haha, I kid. But thanks for dropping by and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate this.

      This is the worst thing about hiatuses. But I'm writing regular now, posting Friday evenings, and I've been at it for a month now. This kind of frequency is healthy, I reckon, and I will keep at it.

      Thanks again Pogi! Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!

    2. Yes, think you scared them Momel. Haha. I myself was surprised at your ability to terrorize people!!!! Ikaw talaga. Hahaha.

      No, no Mr. Right. But I do fancy someone. Though he's a headache!!!! Haha. Ang hirap.

      Ikaw? Who are you dating???

    3. Oh, shit, if that is the case, then I am sorry Pogi. Seriously. I think they're still out there, though, and, well, I'm sorry you homos. Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!

      Haha, uyy, I'd like to know more. Nahihirapan ka, Pogi? Now that there is interesting. Do tell!

      I am no longer dating. I already am involved in another domestic agreement. We are going on two years this coming November 4, and I am never this happy. Nope, not even with Mr Five Years. This one here, he's a darling, we meet on a lot of levels, and he's everything. You know what, Kane, I am very much in love with this guy. And I admitted that to his mother. "Mahal ko po yang anak niyo, Tita."

      He brought out this new level of courage I never thought I had in me.

      Ohaaa, I can be sweet, too!

      Thanks Kane for dropping by! Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!

  2. The first comment made me LOL. Oo nga anong sasabihin sa iyo Momel? Or if you had an FB page and Jesus wrote on it? What if you held salvation in your hands and had the power to deny it? Kawawa naman si JimGirl... LOL

    1. Haha, sa tingin ko Andoy ang ilalagay niya eh "Bak-Laaaaa Kahhhh!" Yan. Haha, pero it's funnier how I didn't think of that. I knew I had the right people in my roll. Anyway, what if I can deny salvation to any one person? Hmmm, that's a better question. And I do believe as a homosexual that... wala siguro. Oo, may pagka-toxic ang pinagsusulat ko towards some very specific coming out cases, pero I still think that there is some good in everyone. And that small goodness only needs a time to shine, an opportunity to make somebody else's lives a little better, and that noble display warrants enough salvation. It can be enough to become a doorstop for the Pearly Gates of Heaven. But does that matter? Hell no. Cheers to goodness! Thanks Andoy for dropping by! Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!



Blog Widget by LinkWithin