**Or "No thanks, I Will NOT Become a Fan"
I am alarmed. I've been receiving quite a few invites from people in my Facebook network asking me to be their Fan. Of course I didn't comply; I'm too self-absorbed myself to be an accomplice to anybody else's self-indulgent efforts. It just so happened that I don't have enough conceit to ask them to be My Fan. Or maybe I didn't have the proper timing to ask them first. But who knew there's THAT much ego to be had in that specific networking site?!
Here are screen shots. Exhibit A has His name on the left and right shades. Same thing goes with Exhibit B. What it says, really, is that He wants me to be fan of Him. And the only changes I made to these screen shots are with hiding those names. The shameless self promotion is still there.
Imagine that, people Asking you to be their Fan. Say that in real life, and see how the weirdness rolls in your tongue. Isn't it Amazing how it is only in Facebook where you get proposals like "Do you want to become my Fan?" Because you will Never hear things like that in real life. And by "real," I mean Offline.
I say this with my whole sympathetic heart, and I hope to high heavens that the message goes across. I do apologize for the inconvenience my friends, but you guys are, seriously, fucking the wrong hole. I, for one, will not be a Fan. Because standards are relative.
If I wanted to be a Fan, I would be more than happy to volunteer for the membership. I'd be more than willing to do pro bono work for the sake of your cause. I'll even take a shower for the hazing session because I want to make sure your hooked paddle hits fresh and newly moisturized skin. I'll install an altar with all your pictures on it, and maybe, if I got lucky, a pair of your used boxer shorts to make the You experience all the more realistic. I'll declare your birthday a Call-In-Sick day, so I can Google your name and spend all day marveling at all those other blogs paying homage to your greatness. I will make a disgraceful understatement of the phrase "embarrassing idol worship." I WILL make the effort, thank you so much, because I WILL BE your groupie. I WILL BE your happy groupie, so sit back and let me cock your suck while my underlings give you a massage and feed you grapes and shit.
What makes it funny is that the people who are asking me to be their Fan (curious phrase, that) are nowhere near the status of half baked celebrities that I am already subscribed to. They're just regular people (and I do mean you) who thought what little claim to fame they have warrants actual fans. I do have semi-celebrities in my list, mind you. And what celebrities I have in my network are there because I am a Fan of these media personalities. And of abstract things I have in common with certain other minorities.
Now, will anyone setup a Fan Page for this idea? I'm sure the membership will rise to unprecedented heights on account of there are a lot of similarly appalled people out there:
Maybe I'll start this group, and then I'll ask you guys if you want to be a Fan.