Sunday, September 14, 2008

Horror Movie Review #23: Teeth

**You guys will so love this. You might probably have a hard on too. I know my friend did.

Directed By: Adam Marcus
Release Date: 19 January 2007
Running Time: 94 minutes
Language: English
Horror Type: Carnivore cunt with teeth.
Sex? - Carnivore cunt with teeth.
Gore? - Penile dismemberment.

I enjoyed the cheap effectivity of this uncanny sex kitten of a horror movie. In a (nutsac) nutshell, its this hilariously horny parade of penile dismemberment that revolves around Dawn and her toothed vagina. She's about as cute as she is frigid, and yes, you read that right. Teeth. Vagina. Same anatomical package. See, Dawn's afflicted with the curse of the Vagina Dentata: it's this carnivorous monster cunt that can only be conquered by the chosen one... And it is with so much laborious effort that I'm controlling this snickering urge to laugh out loud because I am so fucking not kidding you. This is really what's happening in this movie, and this is why I liked it so much.

It's not a family movie, it cannot be a family movie, and it shreds the concept of family values to very indistinguishable particles. See, this movie climaxes in this tensely incestuous scene where our heroine extracts her revenge on her clueless fuck of a punk stepbrother. And this is through the only method she's properly equipped for.

Vagina Dentata. It's a curiosly capital concept which allows softporn to poorly transition into a horror film. I gave it a 4/5 for the comic relief. And all other physical "reliefs" you can think of.

Momel's Rating: 4/5

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