I was watering my plants, potted plants -- no metaphor there, and there was this group of kids playing Bring Me. Now, the purpose of that game, like most other games, is to win, and the first kid to deliver the officiating young bastard's request wins. They call him Emcee in those darling Jollibee kiddie parties. Bring me a wallet, bring me a one peso coin, bring me a venereal disease until she ran out of senseless things to request.
I was within earshot of these little motherfuckers, and she was fresh out of ideas. You can hear it in that suspended "Bring meeeeee...eee...eee... ano pa gusto niyo?" ("Bring meeeeee...eee...eee... what else do you want?") One of her friends, a little devil boy of around six, loudly whispered in her ear "a bakla (a faggot)."
It would otherwise have been funny if these kids were of legal age. Hell, kinky even, but no. I would have erupted in this fluent litany of foulmouthing if this little sonofabitch was 16. But he was around six, and I would not dare. That would have been immature. So I took out my hymn book of damaging prayers and wished he grow up gay. And he will be ugly, fat, and dumb, and he will be cocksucking on the providence of his parents until he's forty. Amen.
That being said, let's all define the word Fag Hag
They're basically these chicks who love the gays so much that the only thing that they don't have in common is a firstborn. Some of the most popular haggots are Marie Antoinette, Chelsea Handler, Grace Adler, Kris Aquino. And the reason why I'm saying this, in the dullest, uncharacteristic manner is because this is the best segue to the following post endorsements. Click!
Ah, wait, FRUIT FLIES? Really?
ReplyDeletehmmm the reason for the fruit flies could be that the LGBT are such fruities. here in hk, there is a gay event down in central called Fruits in Suits, a monthly (or quarterly) event for gay professionals.
ReplyDeleteas for that kid, momel, pray he will learn his mistakes and that cock is such a juicier alternative to lollipops. ;-)
Hahaha stag hags and lesbros! My dictionary just got updated.
ReplyDeleteYou should have said your prayers in Latin, it's more powerful. Wait. What's "cocksucking" in Latin?
hmmm...if I'm a self-confessed fag hag, there's nothing wrong with that, 'ayt?
ReplyDeletegood luck sa little boy na yan. :p
Momel, my dear friend. I say this with all solemnity and the deepest sincerity: I am proud to be a fruit fly. That said, those little girls must have been raised by people who aren't IGNORANT and in homes that taught TOLERANCE. Kudos to them.
ReplyDeleteI read your back posts and I agree about the little children's smiles - they really do thaw this counterfeit heart that I have.
About your comment on Wickedmouth, I must thank you for coming to the defense of one of your little punks with such alacrity.Maybe Michael is not a little motherfucker and meant no insult? I shall give him the benefit of the doubt.
To Glen: I think phallus is the Latin for cock, and lechere is the word for lick. Maybe that helps? =) I do not know the Latin for suck.
we need more of them fag hags
ReplyDeleteat yung batang yun sana di tinitigasan pag laki nya
ooooh you don't have to pray in Latin... gora ka lang sa Quiapo at maglakad ng paluhod... tiyak pakikinggan ang dasal mo... yaiy
ReplyDeleteOh hello, my darling punks! Had a great time with that meet up with Mr Peace last Sunday!
ReplyDeleteVajarl -- We're fruits. They're flies. And I honestly don't get it. Indeed, their gay lingo plain sucks.
Kiks -- Ohh, so they made it official in HK! We don't have that sort of event here in the third world, and I don't wonder why. It is because we have less culture and more cock. Yes, more for that kid to crave for in secret.
Glentot -- Pleasure's all mine, Mr Peace. Well, I suppose I could do a Latin prayer, but the only Latin prayer I know was something I learned from Vic Sotto. And it goes a little something like this, wiki wiki:
Angna Angna
Sulakihim
Sumaskidot
Moko Moko
Break it down yow.
Kaye -- There's nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with being a fag hag. You ladies laugh the loudest, and you laugh more, compared with the homophobes with their stuck up friends.
Pretty Fruit Fly -- Its either that, or they're just darlings by default. I think its more of the latter, though. It's in the way they smile! Counterfeit heart? I love that.
Aw, don't mention it. I just don't take too kindly to people behaving like that, unprovoked, most especially when one of the people in my roll is involved.
Orally -- Oh you bet! Pero ang problema eh mas marami ang babaeng kilos/salita/gawang bakla kahit walang baklang frens. Hindi sila fag hags. Kompetisyon sila. Ang maganda lang dun eh hindi sila mga kagandahan kaya pilit nilang ina-ako ang ating charms. Maderpaking sluts.
So it shall be erectile dysfunction in his general direction! Ahaha, lavet!
YJ -- Ang eksena lang diyan eh baka saan ka dalhin ng mga tuhod mo kung ganyan ang postura mo. Lalo pa't may muscle memory na involved.
Ahaha, cheers sa inyo Vajarl, Kiks, Glentot, Kaye, Sitting Pretty, Orally, YJ! Mabuhay Kayo! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!
I only just came out to my girl best friend last year. She's now slowly being trained to become my fag hag and she's doing a pretty good job at it now :)
ReplyDeleteReading the term fag hag, lesbros / stag hags, I can't help but think of another permutation: Hagfag. Yoko maging hag paglaki ko wah
BTW I've just acquired a new cat that will probably break Jessica Zafra's heart with his cuteness :D
Wow, I need to update my dictionary soon. But seriously, fruit flies? Weird. :|
ReplyDeleteang daming new terms..dapat i practice everyday...ahahaha...
ReplyDeleteiaaply ko na pagiging psychologist ko..naks....parenting plays a big part on the child's behavior...you know, they impose a strict line between a girl, a boy and a fag thats why the boy thinks a fag is a joke....
basta...stop nako..baka magiging blogpost ko na tong comment eh.ahahaha
this post made me ask one of my gay friends, "who's your fag hag?"
ReplyDeletehe raised his brow and answered, "i didn't know we were required to have one."
lol. la lang, kasi i also have my own fag hag. and just about every fag i know has one. at least one.
And I grew strong. Because of my tortang talong.
ReplyDeleteJohnny Cursive -- It's been so long since you were here! I suppose that the first female that you come out to automatically becomes your fag hag. That has the makings of a killer urban legend, an unspoken rule, a secret handshake between the fag and his hag. I never had to keep them guessing though, so I don't think I officially came out, per se.
I know of an author who was too much of a fag hag that she refers to herself as a haggot.
Oh, cats! Tell more! You know I have this soft spot in my demonology for cats and their parallels.
SugaryIchigo -- I still don't get the fruit flies. Read Ms. Kiks' comment about the Fruits and Suits, fake an agreeable ahhh, and then imagine you get it. Ichigo. Ah, that name brings back memories... of sleepless BLEACH marathons during workdays and unproductive weekends.
Malditz -- Uy, psychologist ka pala ha! Anyway, Bhie, I wonder what I will be reading should you convert your comment to a dedicated blog post. Hmm.
JasonPaul -- Your friend made perfect sense. I don't have a fag hag myself! Ahaha! I'm sorry JasonPaul, I will be updating my blogroll soon!
Cheers Johnny, SugaryIchigo, Malditz, and JasonPaul! Mabuhay Kayo! And Muahness from Pasig Citehhh!
Fruit flies? Interesting.
ReplyDeleteShould I say I've had a fag hag since Grade 6? LOL
"bring me a venereal disease" hahahaha
ReplyDeletelove ko si chelsea handler...read her two books na... musta ang pasig citeeh?
bryan stars from begyow citey!
I am the Great Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole! -- Beavis as Cornholio
ReplyDeleteRonnie -- Interesting, yes. But why? Exactly. There's something about the curious compounding of those two words that make it worth one's consideration. I've never had an official fag hag, but I suppose I don't mind. The absence of one doesn't make me any less of a homo anyway.
Amigang Bry -- Chelsea Handler has printed books? I suppose that makes sense; I have an audio book. Where did you get yours, Amiga? I'm positive that hers will be a refreshing read, and they will be most welcome additions to my bookshelves.
Pasig Citeeh? Same same, still third world.
Ahaha!
Cheers Ronnie and Bry! Mabuhay Kayo! And Muahness from Pasig Citehh!
@mellie: yep. and both of 'em are NY Time bestsellers... Hello Vodka It's Me Chelsea and Chelsea, Chelsea, Bang, Bang.
ReplyDeletegaling tate. padala ng gay cousin...(who frequents Chelsea's talk show) :-)
BryanStar
Aha, may bleach fangirl tayo dito. Haha >:). Pero katripan lang talaga ng buhay ko ang username na iyan.
ReplyDelete