You want a Pair of Open-toe Manolos; You Need a Pedicure

**My decision making process largely revolves around the question: Is it a want or a need? Growing up, I had the professional foresight of my mom and her sisters to reinforce that principle. Trouble is, I grew up jaded and largely distracted, so my wants and needs are borderline independent of each other.



1. You want to be popular; you need a good cosmetic surgeon, or very big tits.

2. You want a tattoo; you need a personality.

3. You want Globe Tattoo for you wireless internet; you need to consider your options. Jessica Zafra calls it a WORTHLESS PIECE OF CRAP.

4. You want your own life; you need to move out of your parents' house.

5. You want to be independent; you need to get a haircut, get your act together, and get a job.

6. You want a boyfriend; you need two, maybe three, of the following - dashing good looks, lots of money, a likeable personality, unbelievable good luck.

7. You want to live long; you need to quit smoking.

8. You want to be cool; you need a punch in the face.

9. You want surgically assigned dimples; you need proper dental hygiene.

10. You want to be feared; you need an sexually transmitted disease. Or a bad case of hair lice.

11. You want to be respected; you need to stop whoring.

12. You want a happening social life; you need to stop being so shallow. You need real people in your social circle.

13. You want a drink; you need a drink. No doubt about it, a man's got the constitutional right to get smashed, most especially if he's a taxpayer. Or WAS a taxpayer. I'll even hand you that shot glass.

14. You want to be very good in bed; you need a prayer.

15. You want to win a talent search and become an overnight celebrity; you need electroconvulsive therapy.

16. You want to stop kissing asses in your dead end job at the office; you need to hand in that resignation letter.

17. You want to finally get laid for the first time; you need to stop being such a nerd and turn that Nintendo off.

18. You want to be a model; you need to be tall, size zero, and you need a striking cuteness that warrants a second look. Yes, all three. Notice how the trying-hard catwalk isn't a pre-requisite? Because they pay professional ramp trainers to teach tall, size zero, and strikingly cute ladies how to walk the walk.

19. You want your Pikachu to evolve into a Raichu; you need to give it a Thunderstone. He hee, can't help the Pokemon talk, sorry.

20. You want to kill yourself and get it all over with; you need a good bellyaching laugh.

21. YOU WANT IT ALL! You need a near-death experience.

This post answers the question "Is it a want or a need?" I just made it current. Picture from Alley Cat Scratch Costume.