Monday, January 24, 2011

You want a Pair of Open-toe Manolos; You Need a Pedicure

**My decision making process largely revolves around the question: Is it a want or a need? Growing up, I had the professional foresight of my mom and her sisters to reinforce that principle. Trouble is, I grew up jaded and largely distracted, so my wants and needs are borderline independent of each other.



1. You want to be popular; you need a good cosmetic surgeon, or very big tits.

2. You want a tattoo; you need a personality.

3. You want Globe Tattoo for you wireless internet; you need to consider your options. Jessica Zafra calls it a WORTHLESS PIECE OF CRAP.

4. You want your own life; you need to move out of your parents' house.

5. You want to be independent; you need to get a haircut, get your act together, and get a job.

6. You want a boyfriend; you need two, maybe three, of the following - dashing good looks, lots of money, a likeable personality, unbelievable good luck.

7. You want to live long; you need to quit smoking.

8. You want to be cool; you need a punch in the face.

9. You want surgically assigned dimples; you need proper dental hygiene.

10. You want to be feared; you need an sexually transmitted disease. Or a bad case of hair lice.

11. You want to be respected; you need to stop whoring.

12. You want a happening social life; you need to stop being so shallow. You need real people in your social circle.

13. You want a drink; you need a drink. No doubt about it, a man's got the constitutional right to get smashed, most especially if he's a taxpayer. Or WAS a taxpayer. I'll even hand you that shot glass.

14. You want to be very good in bed; you need a prayer.


15. You want to win a talent search and become an overnight celebrity; you need electroconvulsive therapy.

16. You want to stop kissing asses in your dead end job at the office; you need to hand in that resignation letter.

17. You want to finally get laid for the first time; you need to stop being such a nerd and turn that Nintendo off.

18. You want to be a model; you need to be tall, size zero, and you need a striking cuteness that warrants a second look. Yes, all three. Notice how the trying-hard catwalk isn't a pre-requisite? Because they pay professional ramp trainers to teach tall, size zero, and strikingly cute ladies how to walk the walk.

19. You want your Pikachu to evolve into a Raichu; you need to give it a Thunderstone. He hee, can't help the Pokemon talk, sorry.

20. You want to kill yourself and get it all over with; you need a good bellyaching laugh.

21. YOU WANT IT ALL! You need a near-death experience.

This post answers the question "Is it a want or a need?" I just made it current. Picture from Alley Cat Scratch Costume.

23 comments:

  1. You want to be very good in bed; you need a prayer....weeh di nga? anong dadasalin? ahahaha

    agree ako sa 21...

    Khie trainer na lang pala ang kulang mo at pasok ka na sa mowdel mowdel na yan! size ano ka ba? -0 ka db? hihihihi

    hay nagpapahangin lang at medyo naninikip ang aking suso=( nangyari ang kutob ko!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. brewhuh231:06 AM

    I love this list!!! Can I share? I'll credit you of course :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Powkie--Heto dadasalin mo fren

    Angna Angna
    Sulakihim
    Sumaskidot
    Moko Moko


    Maraming salamat kay Vic Sotto.

    hay nagpapahangin lang at medyo naninikip ang aking suso=( nangyari ang kutob ko!!

    Naku, ayun na, patay tayo diyan. Kuwento mo Himay kung gusto mo ha, message mo ko sa FB kung gusto mong may maka-chika o anuman.

    Bubbles -- Ay feel free, fren! Share ng share! Credit mo ko ha?

    Cheers Powkie and Bubbles! Mabuhay kayo gerls! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dang, I guess I have no choice then but take crappy Globe service because I live on a Globe-dominated island... It sucks really just thinking I'd be stuck there for about a month when I take my annual leave come Feb.

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  5. Fistful -- I suppose they made amends and took to proper reparations. Maybe it will work better for you, who knows? But I don't think you'll let anything get between you and publishing your poems. And I'll stop here. Ahaha!

    Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

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  6. "You want your own life; you need to move out of your parents' house."

    Can't. Agree. With. This. More. I wanna get out of the house. (And yes, I will soon.)

    ReplyDelete
  7. princess sarah6:25 PM

    You want a happening social life; you need to stop being so shallow. You need real people in your social circle.
    -Cranky Torres Tullao likes this. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ahaha, I say, nothing should stop me from hieing off to Manila for some real big city action. Or fun. Whichever comes first.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous6:51 PM

    You want to be validated for your writing; you need to exorcise the locally-driven demons in your confined mindset as there are other more 'globally legit' validators -- literary magazines, journals, etc. If you think you have the voice, you don't need validation at all. Is all I got to say.

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  10. Oh dear. This recent set of comments took me for a real trip.

    Manech -- I'm saying that out of experience, and you have to give it a shot if and only if you've given it much, exhaustive thought. And if you've saved enough. Say three month's worth of rent and food. A rice cooker and a can opener will save your life and will have much employment in them compared to a rosary. But take the time to pray.

    Oh, and if you're planning to move out, and you have questions you want to ask, then don't hesitate to drop me a line. I will be more than glad to help out.

    Princess Sarah -- ka diyan! Oi Tin, first time ha! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, sister ko yan, biological, since birth! Kagandang lahi! Magandang status yan sa FB! Pengeng whitening strips!

    Fistful -- Uy, tell us about it! And I'm praying to high heavens you get the banging city experience you probably came here for. I now wonder how you'll translate that into a poem.

    Anonymous -- I don't respond well to unnamed sources, but you got me thinking. Seriously. Now the thing is I don't need "validation" for my writing. My panties are wet with the acknowledgment that I have been so far receiving, and I don't want to make anything out of it. I find profit in what little recognition I get. I'm that satisfied, see?

    I've been maintaining this blog for at least six years now. I do it for the love of writing and the ejaculatory experience that goes with it. Writing gets me hard, and that's the long and short of it.

    I appreciate the comment, really I do, and rest assured that there's not a particle of sarcasm or snarkiness with what I just said. I know, its uncharacteristic, but I'm thankful because you, an unknown source, made me think. And then think harder. And then dismiss. And then kept to my satisfaction in the same way that a teenager resorts to his secret stash of gay porn. I've half a mind to regard your comment as a compliment. The other half represents the confined mindset that panders to my locally-driven demons.

    Again, thank you for your comment.

    Cheers Manech, Tin, Fistful and Anonymous! Mabuhay Kayo! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

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  11. brewhuh239:46 PM

    Thank you fren!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I would like to believe you are again speaking from experience hehe. I don't wanna tell you what I need but you know what I want, the Growee award you said you're giving me ahahaha

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  13. "...banging city experience you probably came here for." - Wtf, ano kaya pinagsasabi nito?! Ha. Ha. Ha.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Bru -- No problem! Feel free!

    Glentot -- Well, mostly, and again, I'd like to maintain that some of what I'm writing here are inspired. Like what I wrote in the Kinky Diary. It's all inspired. Inspired. Theere you go. Oo, sige, ire-ready ko yang Growee mo. Wahaha!

    Fistful -- I'm referring to that very exciting city experience you probably came here for.

    The action of the verb to bang; Excellent, brilliant, very exciting, top, great
    en.wiktionary.org/wiki/banging.


    Your imagination is just criminal.

    Cheers Bru, Glentot, and Fistful! Mabuhay kayo! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

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  15. But I already turned my Nintendo off! I even threw my Playstation!

    Yet I play Neopets. Fuck I'll die a virgin.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Vajayjay -- I purchased Plants VS Zombies, Bookworm Adventures, and Peggle Deluxe from PopCap last during the New Year. I'm still completing those SURVIVAL Levels and Mini Games. And I still get some. One of our favorite things to do, when we were still a couple, was to level up those Pokemon to level 80 and then do game link battles. And then we still get some. What I'm saying is that this is not exactly Gospel truth; become the exception.

    And besides, what stupid bible will serve my ideas anyway?

    Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

    ReplyDelete
  17. hello momel!
    i'm doing number 13 tonight, again.

    cheers to distilled products

    ReplyDelete
  18. Orally -- Ay, amen to that earthbound piece of heaven, sister!

    Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Do you remember missingno from Pokemon Red and Blue? Bwahahaha. I think I was in Grade 4 when Pokemon was huge here. Ahh.

    My favorite will always be the traded Mr. Mime that levels up faaaast.

    Why are we talking about Pokemon again? XD

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  20. Vajayjay -- We're talking about Pokemon because there's something inside us, a child that needs to be acknowledged and cooed and played with. We are still possessed of that little piece of childhood that we can never shake of. We are still encouraging what remnants we have left of the playful days of youth. And, most importantly, because we are nerds. Gay nerds.

    And we rock.

    Cheers Vajayjay! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

    ReplyDelete
  21. 3. Yes. Globe's internet service has always been a fucking piece of crap. :|

    9. I wonder if you could get dimples removed. I have too many of them.

    10. Or a really bad case of BO.

    19. Bring on the Pokemon talk! I need more fellow geeks to talk to. Haha. And if people still think that that Mew is Mewtwo's lovechild with a Ditto, those people need a childhood. Haha.

    I love your list. :)

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  22. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  23. Sugary

    3. Mine has always been a godsend. It's called MNW. My Neighbor's WiFi.

    9. No comment on the dimples comment. I wish I had three though.

    10. Or a restraining order, noh?

    19. Wahaha, this is a pleasant surprise! You seriously a Poke-geek? Ahaha, apir!

    Thanks for dropping by, you darling punk with dimples!

    Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

    ReplyDelete

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