How to Blog AND HAVE A LIFE at the Same Time

**Dedicated to Bry and Brew and Jo and (insert an absentee blogger on a raging comeback here) and that faggot Momel that refers to himself in the third person

Excuse posts, them lousy dick posts that you publish after a two to three month "hiatus" (over used blogger term for prolonged lazy streak), well those posts are a bitch. You know how they go -- they're usually brief lame ass attempts at trying to win what's left of their readership back. But not before they, them lazy bloggers, slather the composition with copious amounts of excuses as to what kept them from updating their blogs in the first place. I'm waay too familiar with these kinds of posts on account of I used to sleep with one.

Here's a fine sampling of what Excuse Posts looks like:
A Lazy Blogger's Excuse Post
The Trouble With a Three Month Hiatus
Because Good Times Call for Good Vibes
Hopefully, A Cure for Peaking

But who can blame The Blogger for such absences? Most especially when The Blogger has a life. Or, for certain people in my roll and you know who you are, there's just too much cock, but too little time. Of course, they can write about how they need the dough to pay the bills, or how they managed those extra hours at the office, or how their sex life's a fucking zero on account of those extra hours at the office because they need the dough to pay the bills. You can write about these common distractions, but who in the hell reads those anyway?

It's not writer's block, though. Whatever that prolonged laziness is, call it what you may, but come hell or high water, I don't think it qualifies for writer's block. See, any level-headed asshole of sound reason should arrive at the conclusion that you need to be a writer to have, well, writer's block. And I think that one needs to be Employed as a writer to be called a writer. And most of us sure as hell aren't. There's Jessica Zafra, and she's very prolific with this fantastical well oiled blog, Jessica Rules The Universe.com. Now, on the off chance that she misses a post for a week or so, then she's either waay too pre-occupied. Or she's suffering from Writer's Block.

Call me shallow, but as far as the rest of us goes, that prolonged laziness, you can't call that writer's block. Blogger's block? Sure, sure. Damn straight. We're nothing more than bloggers. Rock and roll, yes, but bloggers just the same, and I'll leave it at that, so bite me. No, you don't need to be an athlete to have athlete's foot, you don't have to be Adam to have an apple, it doesn't take Achilles to have a heel. Don't give me that shit. You know that's not what I mean, and the point's as far removed as common sense is to a retard, so bite me more.

Now before you go ahead and give me rabies or something, understand that I'm trying to help you, see. Anyway, look at what I did here:


What this means is that almost all my posts for February are pretty much covered. That gives me more time to masturbate a whole lot more, while keeping my published posts as regular as my bowel movement. I can keep my blog consistent without being such a super nerd about it. It's like being gay without "sweating glitter," or that rancid smell of cock in your mouth. I gotta tell you, this Scheduling Posts feature has gotta be the best shit since sliced bread. Most convenient! But then, to quote the great George Carlin, what the hell's the greatest shit Before sliced bread?

So how do you schedule your posts, anyway? Well, how do you click on this here link?

Schedule Your Motherfucking Posts, You Goddamn Lazy-Ass Bloggers!