Tuesday, February 23, 2010

So I Got Me This Funny Book For a Panty-Dropping Twenty Pesos

**That calculates to 43 US cents. Damn straight. I would if I could, but I'm not shitting you. Turns out you can still get cheap things that you don't mind showing off.

Nothing's that new with 2010. The purchasing power of a hundred pesos is still as gay as it was in 2009, if not gayer and sucks a bigger cock. So imagine my sweet, sweet pleasure during one of those unplanned side trips to this second hand book store. I got me Dennis Miller's The Rant Zone for twenty pesos (43 US cents). He's this kick ass Emmy Award winning comic, and much of the material in this book originally appeared in his stand up routines. Makes for a rip-roaring fucking riot, I tell you, and I got it for twenty pesos.

Twenty pesos won't buy you a pirated DVD. Twenty pesos can't fetch you a damn root beer float. Twenty pesos won't get you a liter of Coke. It won't get you half a pack of Marlboro Lights (they're 23 pesos in any 7-11 outlet). It sure sure as hell won't get you half a hand job, let alone get you laid, but I got me a real funny book for it.

My point? Its a funny book for a price you won't mind. And at twenty pesos (43 US cents), it can't get no fucking better than that. No, this is not a recommendation of sorts, I'm just so pleased with my rummaging skills, and my spectacular good luck. Like most everybody is, I reckon, with any fantastic find.

And because I'm all about generosity and charity and all that creamy goodness plus a bag of chips, here are some quotes halfway through the book.

"The word 'fuck' is a beauty, isn't it? From its fricative genesis, blossoming into its ripe, rich middle until its cruelly truncated in its prime by a merciless glottal stop... In all of its earthly, salty illicit Anglo-saxon glory, "fuck" is almost as satisfying to say as it is to do."
--On the English Language

"Ronnie was ... offset by nose hairs so unkempt it looked like he had just inhaled Bob Marley, feet first."
--On Auto Shopping

"Women have to tread very carefully so as not to shatter fragile, male egos, so my recommendation for the first serious female presidential candidate is that her campaign slogan should be 'Oh My God, You're So Big.' "
--On a Female President

"A sign that someone is a great friend is when I can go long stretches in his company without saying so much as a word. That's trust. My best friend? Actor John Garfield's perfectly preserved corpse."
--On Friendship

"You know your marriage is in trouble when your wife starts wearing the wedding ring on her middle finger."
--On Relationships

"Most of you don't know this, but I was a child star and I have kept it under wraps because I thought it would hurt my career as an adult. You probably don't recognize me with the goatee but, yes, I played the little red-headed girl Margaret on Dennis the Menace. Fuck you, Mr. Wilson!"
--On Child Stars


  1. clap clap! i love great-find stories as much as i love the antique road show!

    note: here in the suburbs (probinsya) male prostitutes cost as low as P20.00! not that i ever spent my P20.00 for one. ibili ko nalang ng marlboro black. kahit mga 7 sticks lang.

  2. I love a good find too, more so when a huge amount of luck is involved.

    There's just a natural high to it. It's like finding a suitable boyfriend, but without the possible break-up.

  3. Hahaa @ Bry

    Which is why I'm such a whore for stores that retail secondhand books! Now THAT, the 20-peso gigolos, IS something I wouldn't mind!

    Wow @ Manech

    You will so need a huge, no, a thoroughly insane amount of luck if you're shooting for the no-break-up-boyfriend.

  4. @mellie: i moved to the stars! see you there!

  5. Ohh @ Bry

    I admit I don't get it much, but it sounds like fun. And I feel like I should be happy for you. And so I am!
    Maybe I'll see you there!

    Milky Way Galaxy ba to?

    Hehee, cheers!

  6. "You will so need a huge, no, a thoroughly insane amount of luck if you're shooting for the no-break-up-boyfriend."

    No, I'm not. If I had that luck, I'd rather win the lotto. I could use some million bucks these days.



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