**I'm all apologies ala Kurt Cobain. All I need now is a cokehead wife, a downward spiral thanks to drug addiction, and a good reason to commit suicide.
I'd like to apologize to those people I've... punctured with what foolish headstrong writing I've engineered all these years. No, I'm not pulling your leg; I'm being nice for a change.
1. My sister, half sister but family all the same. It was a wrong idea in the wrong blog. I should never have written anything about your wedding when I knew full well that my writing will not amount to anything sweet or kind or anything even remotely approaching warm. I'm corrosive and passive and wickedly deadpan. I shouldn't have been too vocal, let alone in character, with such a tender celebration. The consequence, understandably, was a whole lot of rot. And I'm sorry about that.
2. I am terribly apologetic to you who just recently came out of hiding, smelling of mothballs from that cramped closet you've been holing in these past few years. It took you twenty something years to finally come to terms with your preferred sexual orientation, and I was relentless with my assault on your admission. I could've been a little careful, and I'm sorry if I wasn't. A little surgical precision and restraint could've worked wonders with that post, but I went ahead and bestowed upon you that same ruthless conduct I observed with my sister's wedding. Remember how I confessed to you that I wrote that post for your secret coming out party? And how I asked you if I offended you at all? No, I'm not trying to measure the extremes of my misconduct. I was being a person offline because I knew I can't even come close to faking sympathy online. Again, I'm sorry. And for what it's worth, you can count on me to be generous with the compassion that was never in any of my posts. Yes, it is possible, but it's not going to happen here. We still have all those twenty something years of friendship to back us up, and I'll make that count.
3. I apologize to what little readership I have left. I'm sorry for saturating your horny reading pleasure with irrelevant reviews on gambling sites. I solemnly swear I was up to no good when I started reviewing for a quick buck, and I was mindless of the consequences it delivered in the long run. WAS means I learned from all that uncharacteristic greed, but I don't see the point in trying to redeem myself when I'm left with but a few of the girls to keep this blog rolling. Okay, so they're not real girls per se, but thanks all the same for keeping me company.
Thanks Bry, Lexan, and Pat.
4. I'd like to apologize to Rihanna for bastardizing your song Umbrella. I was never tasteless enough to cash in on a good song with a cheap rendition; I didn't do it. But seeing as how I'm living in the same third world nation with these same fools, I'm bringing it on myself to step up and say sorry in their behalf.
5. Four's a good healthy enough number.
For My Sister
Coming Out of the Closet
I Apologize for the SR's Part 1
I Apologize for the SR's Part 2