Saturday, November 20, 2010

Sooo... This is What a Breakup Feels Like

**It's not enough that it kills, but it gives you shit ideas at the same time. I don't mind the ideas though. At least I know I'm not crazy yet. And because I'm such a list freak, allow me to practice this obsessive compulsive tendency on the foolish notions that came to me in between the tears and the anger and all that creamy goodness.

1. I lived a life of sin and excess and loose morals and extravagant homosexuality. And then I died and met Joel. Ah! The very mention of his name mutes out Heaven's harps; he was Love in a 5'6 frame. I was confused. I didn't know if I was judged correctly because it was four years of happy and content domestication. We broke up three months before our fifth year, and then I realized that the Divine Authorities passed the right sentence. I've never been in a hell this cruel.

2. I moved out of my mother's apartment more than four years ago just so I have something of my own to go home to. And I did. Or rather, I used to. In the light of our recent break up, I am now just paying rent.

3. You will forgive my being out of character in this post. A lot of the drama in what you are reading now has more potency in it when compared to this extreme drinking session where, of its thirty guests, twenty six of them are horny homosexual men. The other four guests are barely legal male teenagers with experience. Yes, if you could please pay attention to the drama, please.

4. I suppose the only reason why I'm crying now as I'm writing this is because my sister asked me to hang in there. And I feel like writing because I have to make the shedding stop. I should try something! Crying makes me look less rock and roll. And, in passing, I must make a secret habit of this wonderful foreign thing, this crying. That long sigh summarizes the tears and brings with it this marvelous feeling of relief that beats masturbation easy. This long sigh did to my heart what writing and talking about it to my friends failed to do. It lifted this strange weight, and I am now less inclined to endear Joel into memory. I love this crying shit. They never mentioned how good it feels. Fuck those sons of bitches and their Bob Ong plagiarisms. Ahhh! I should sleep better now, I suppose.

5. He arrived within the hour, and we talked. And then we cried. And those were simply the most acidic tears I've ever shed. The skin on my face was intact, but something in my chest was being dissolved by this very potent corrosive.

6. Tomorrow, I will compare all this drama with a jar of surgically excised human appendices floating in embalming fluid. And I will soon find out that there isn't much of a difference, if there was any to begin with. God damn this awful baggage! I wish I could pray this away, but I am a seasonal Catholic, mostly in December. I have a month's practice, in a year, and my prayers will not answer. I will, for now, suffer this imaginary tumor until the next great distraction comes along. I wouldn't mind one with an eight inch cock, although that will take some getting used to. It will be December soon. And then I'll start praying.

7. You will need your funny friends in times like these. Or a friend.

8. Happiness is getting out of the hospital with a prescription for mild painkillers twice a day for a week. No, I'm not dieting on a dumb kind of rice, but then we were expecting a biopsy. I know this doesn't follow, but I was referring to another kind of drama which was simultaneous with the break up and it kept me distracted some.

9. Clearly, the words "heart break" or "heart broken" are, now that I'm suffering, an understatement. My heart didn't break. It dissolved, and in its place remained this burning piece of furious brimstone that melted everything around it. Whoever came up with those terms should be shot because she's common and has a poor choice of words.

10. It's a hearing aid because it doesn't just magnify a song. It lets you hear every line of lyric. And, in the face of these mounting tears, you believe they wrote it for you.

11. The truth is I've had two break ups in 2010. The first one happened in August, and it terminated a six year redhjlajdtionjhfship. I didn't escape that last one in November, either, and it ended a four year love affair with The love of my life. I loved the first one, W, with my internet connection and my landline. On the other hand, I loved the second one, J, with. My. Heart. Fuck that cheese.

There's no question about it, the only time you can call that "two timing," shush your pie hole, is when you just heard that phrase, and you doubt you know what that means, but you use it anyway because you are imagining you are making sense.

Never mind that the first one, with W, is more or less imaginary on account of it was all online with several four-hour phone calls. It was helpful, in a way, because it conditioned me for real devastation. All that practice was most useful. That first relationship, if you can call it that while sober, was established on nothing grounds. It was lacking, but it had perfect timing, and it made for the best toilet training.

12. I have a steady income, a degree in Mathematics, my own apartment with things in it, and I'm living in with the love of my life. I was so cool, I could preserve processed meat. But then we broke up three months before our fifth year, and then my personal estimation suffered. But I will endure and emerge, and then I will be cooler. I have a vision -- I will be keeping ice and canned beer cold. Blecch.


  1. ohh momel, even you weren't spared.
    while kane's latest made me think of sad films and songs, yours, well Repo Man came to mind (and i'm talking 1984 not 2010)

  2. kaya mo yan. you'll make it through. it's not the end of the world at kung anu-ano pang cliche. so funny yet so sad.

  3. Alanis Morissette hit the nail on the head with that You Learn song, noh?


    Yun din ang iniisip ko eh, pero babalik siya sa December, before Christmas. Minsan kasi kahit boto na sa yo yung nanay niya eh may ibang mga insekto talagang gagawa at gagawa ng paraan maka-pangontra lang.


    Thanks Pat. Kahit naman we're not officially over, kasi may chance pa na kami ulit pagbalik niya, eh ni-condition ko na ang sarili ko na puwedeng dizizit na talaga. Dapat medio light yung attack. Malungkot na nga yung subject, malungkot pa rin yung method! Ano ko, si Bulitas? Wahaha, joke lang Bulitz! Apir!

    Thanks for dropping by you guys! Cheers, MABUHAY KAYO!

  4. Aww. Momel. You didn't strike me as the tearful type. My first impression of you was poor Momel's boyfriend, he'll walk away from their relationship on crutches, or a wheelchair. I'm not saying you're weak... I'm saying you're human after all haha. Now stop your crying and go back to downloading porn.

    Seryoso, just chill... Cheer up!

  5. Momel... Momel...

    I know what you're trying to do. Drown your sorrow through laughter.

    I guess at some point in our lives, we learn why Shakespeare is so popular. Alas, life is not all comedy.

    Sometimes it ends tragically.

    And then we write a new play, with new actors and new plot twists.

    But until then, though you may feel that no one knows what you are going through, I do. It's not easy no?

    Be brave, because it is true. Things do get better.



  6. I'm really bad at comforting heartbroken people. The best I can do is to diss the ex with all the passion I can muster...and because I don't know him, I can't possibly do that.

    What I can say is this: I will continue to read, be a friend, and render virtual support.

    STAY STRONG! And stick to that vision :)

  7. Stay strong. You have friends that you can call when you feel like drowning yourself with alcohol.

  8. No. 7. You have my number (I believe), just in case.

  9. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. [Eat. Pray. Love.]

    I wish I had morsels of wisdom to impart this trying times, but truth is, I don't. I'd like to think that every heart break leads to a stronger, more mature outlook in relationships. But since every relationship is unique, distinct, singular, so it is with each heartbreak. No amount of pre-emptive analysis or emotional grounding can prepare you for it. It will always be as devastating as the first, and no way less painful than the last.

    But life does go on. And time is sorrow's salve.

    If you ever need to down a few bottles, I can offer my company. And the distracting epistaxis of failed histories. To comfort, to lighten, to strengthen.

    To new beginnings, Momel.

  10. The reason why I comment on your comments is because I want to let you guys know that, on a spiritual note, I fucking care about what you guys have to say. And the reason why I comment in twos is because I tend to say a lot. Economy. Although there are times that it looks like a chat transcript, one is to one. That's because I'm too excited that someone in my roll's online at the same time and I will be masturbating later. Mabuhay kayong lahat mga punks!


    Wahaha! I'm a lover, not a fighter, and diplomacy is key, and honesty is the best policy, and wherever you will go you will be there! I don't download porn, I get them from Gab!

    Your HP7 review was the funniest I've read so far.


    It hurts so damn bad, but I am lucky to have the funniest and most compassionate friends around. Writing, and blogging, helps too. There was a time, on the second day following the break up, that I ignored the heartbreak because I was writing this entry to Ms Jessica Zafra's recent LitWit Challenge.

    You are so cute in that post. .

  11. Arwind,

    Its a tie at reaching out.

    And I suppose there are two things to be had from this episode. I love that my brother and sister reached out when they found out with not as much as a bad thing to say towards J. And I love it even more that all of them, that includes my darling Aurora (my ma), accepted him and saw him as my other happiness.

    Soo, whatever happened to your Facebook nuisance?


    AW HELL YEAH ON THE ALCOHOL! And the friends, of course. It's a funny thing you mentioned alcohol. Really.

    Thank you for dropping by, and keep dropping by, will you please?

  12. Manech,

    Aww, shit, you're back! Yes, I still have your number, and I will be keeping in touch.

    Sooo, how's the loverboy doing these days?


    Inspite of your gift for high fallutin profusion, I should say that I am still impressed. You hit the nail on the head, and you just gave me an idea for a tattoo. No, really, you did, but that bird is just too expensive to ink! And its odd that you mentioned alcohol. You and Tsina have the same wonderful wavelength.

    Oi, you should do something about that Authentication Pop Up!

    You all have my distilled gratitude. I've never met any of you guys, maybe except for Glentot, rakenrol ka!, but you all have my kisses all the same. Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat na mga punks kayo! Mabuhay kayong lahat! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

  13. Fuck you, Momel. You're gonna meet Jessica Zafra again. Fuck you. Can you ask her if I can come, I'll pay for my drinks and I won't say a word.

  14. 10. It's a hearing aid because it doesn't just magnify a song. It lets you hear every line of lyric. And, in the face of these mounting tears, you believe they wrote it for you.

    thank you...iniisip ko para rin sakin to.ahahhahaa..potah..tamang tama eh..parang lahat nga nga sad love songs ginawa para sakin tuwing heart broken ako..ahahaha....

    at makasave nga rin ng rice and beer sa ref....back up lang..weee!

    move on--->>oo alam ko ang dali lang i type/sabihin. watever...basta move on.

  15. I'm not really good with the encouraging rah-rah shit, as you could probably tell from my posts. That is why I opted to not comment on this heart-rending outpouring of hurt the first time I read it. I let the 'pros' above give you the pep talks.

    Pero dahil nanalo ka na naman sa LitWit Challenge for the nth time, gusto kitang i-congratulate nang bonggang-bongga. Bruha ka, ikaw nang tinatawag na genius nang paulit-ulit! Hahaha.

    But seriously, I hope you're doing much, much better. Cheers.

    PS: Magaganap pa ba talaga ang matagal nang pinaplanong inuman? :D

  16. Glentot,

    Let me begin this comment with something short and simple -- Wahahaha! Tagumpay brad! Ahahaha, natawa naman ako sa comment mo, pero kung seryoso ka dian (hindi sa fuck you ha, hindi pa ko ready sa mga bagong commitment eh), sige tanungin ko si Ms. J-Zaf (ni-quote kita ulit). Seryoso!

    Tanungin ko talaga si Ms J-Zaf @ Glentot kung bet mo talaga, malamang naman eh next week pa yun.

    Cute na Cute na Maldito,

    Uy grabe ka, tuwing heart broken ako.., as in madalas? Grabehh, gusto mo tayo na lang? Wahaha, keme lang brad, rakenrol ka! Salamat sa iyong muling pagdalaw!

  17. Siratalaga,

    Ahaha, thanks! Nakakatawa nga eh, alam niyo bang yung entry na yun eh sinulat ko nung pangalawang araw matapos ang aming paghihiwalay? Akalain mong umani ng tagumpay? Wahaha!

    Oo naman, tuloy natin yang inuman na yaen! Si Red nga eh sabi kung kailangan daw ng karamay sa alak eh andian siya. Ayan, tatlo na tayo kung sakali!

    Mabuhay kayong lahat mga punks at thanks for dropping by! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

  18. Oh, sorry to hear that. Sorry din at ngayon ko lang nadalaw ang pinost mo. Kundi ko pa nakita yung pagkapanalo mo, d ko malalaman to. Anyways, pag wala kang mapuntahan, tambay ka lang sa min. Pagluluto kita ng bonggang bongga hanggang sa makalimutan mo na nag break pala kayo. Baka sakali lang... But I know you'll do good. You're a tough one.... tsaka you have your family and friends who love you dearly. ;)

  19. big hug!!dikit boobs yan!!

    sowee naman at sobrang late ko na nabasa..nag bday ang fafarazzi at di ako nakapasyal ng blog ng ilang araw!

    kaya mo yan..ikaw pa eh punk!! masakit lang sa una pero habang tumatagal eh alam mo na..mas masakit,hihihi...mawawala din yan at masasanay kang wala nga lang di natin alam kung gaano katagal!

    kung malapit lang ako eh di sinabayan kita sa pag papakalunod sa alak!

    cheer up Khie!! muahh!!

  20. Ate Gem,

    Thanks Teh! Okay na ko ngayon, pero I can use yung powerful na sinigang and liempo mo with that EXCEPTIONAL iced tea to match! Ay naku naman, palung palo naman talaga! Wahaha, thanks for the pat, muahness from Pasig Citehh!

    Alam mo ba Ate Gem na alam na ni Mama yung nangyari? She sent me the most wonderful email. Siguro kung last week ko nabasa yun eh antagal ng iniyak ko. She said "marami pang Joel na darating sa buhay mo." And then something about "kung kaya ko lang akuin ang pain na nararamdaman mo eh ginawa ko na." Buti na lang talaga at nabasa ko na yun after one week, kasi talagang overwhelming na tears ang iluluha ko then.


    Honga eh, tagal mo ring nawala Himay, anader palung palo rin ha! Buma-bonding with Fafarazzi, mabuti yan at kahit papaano eh mababawasan ng drama ang blog mo at back to regular programming. Honga eh, ansakit pala talaga nun, pero tama nga yung sinasabi nila na you'll get through it at mas marunong ka na this time around. Pero ang totoo eh nagbitiw siya ng salita na babalik siya. Hataw noh?

    Ahaha, alak pa! Yaman din lamang na nabanggit niyo yang alak eh kampayan natin yung next post ko. Ahaha!

    Mabuhay kayong dalawang magagandang punks kayo! Cheers and muahness from Pasig Citehhh!

  21. awww..akala ko naman he just to help the family, eh yun na pala yun? or i wasn't paying attention kasi makati na mata ko nun? haha!!

    again, if you need someone to talk to (and i hope you're okay now), just ping me or whatever, i 'll try to be nice. :D

    hugs'll be just fine.

    cheers! and tables! :))

  22. Momel, napaisip ako bigla, at nahiya ako bigla hahaha elitista yun eh, I don't belong in the group kapag nandun ako kasi hindi ako winner hahaha I guess I'll have to earn it sometime...

  23. Jeh Sore Eyes,

    Oo fren, to help, yun talaga ang pakay niya, pero nung araw na umalis siya eh parang pakiramdam ko eh last na yun. Sana nga huwag, para nga akong tanga kasi I'm looking for signs (gagu lang), pero kasi naman hindi pa rin mawawala sa kin ang maging hoping.

    Tsaka mo na ko hugs pag wala ka nang sore eyes. Yuck.


    Arti artihan! Oi na-email ko na si Madame J-Zaf kahapon, waiting lang ng reply kung haves. Wala pa naman details, basta Monday next week sa Rockwell.

    Mabuhay kayong mga punks kayo! Cheers and muahness from Pasig Citehhh!

  24. Sama ako. Tapos inuman na din! Haha!

  25. Red,

    Wahaha, kita mo yan, pagdating sa inom eh nawawala ang high fallutin naten! Lavet! Mabuhay ka fren!

  26. Ngayon ko lang nakita ang Click Haaaaaard! Major LOL! :))

    Hooray for people like us who love lists!

    When would I have a share of that love humanized and sunk into a 5'6 frame? Even 5'5 would do for me. I'm not that picky.

    I wish my Mom would let me move out. She's a huge pain in the ass and she pesters me almost every day. I could leave, like without notice, but what would that say about me? She's has some medical condition and I buy her meds. Still, she manages to gather the guts to piss the hell out of me almost every day.

    Anyways, I'm blabbering because I don't know what to say. Except maybe that I genuinely wish that by the time you are reading this you already feel a little better.

    Panakaw muna ng tagline mo, mabuhay ka Momel! :D

  27. Vajarl,

    Honga eh, but sometimes, I do lists when I'm not feeling THAT coherent at the time. Lista ko na lang, parang grocery list lang, ganun.

    I avoid cliches as much as I can, but let me slip this one time and say that love is indeed mute. Or deaf. Or has trisomy 21. My ideal man needs to be chinito and at least 5'11, because I'm 5'9 and I need to feel secure, but it didn't happen. He was 5'6, and I love him with all the fiber of my being. Syeeet! I didn't feel like I missed much when I was with him.

    Yes, thanks Vajarl, I am feeling better now. At thanks for dropping by! Cheers you, and mabuhay ka Vajarl!

  28. Oh no you didn't!!! Ahihihi hiya na ako, sabihin mo na lang in person na someone's dying to meet her hahaha... Maghihintay na lang ako ng porno-related LitWeek Challenge, baka manalo tayo pareho!!!

  29. @ Momel Sureness. Ang galing mo mag-English. Nagno-nose bleed ako. =p Hope you're feeling better na. =)



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