Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Fuck You Jim Girl, Here's Your One Thousand Words

**He used to be called Jimboy, when he was still dating that showbiz novelty they call Mahal because, I suppose, he wanted to be famous by association. Poor choice, though. Of course they broke up, and you'd think that was that, but he did a Bebe Gandanghari number in The Buzz last Sunday; he finally came out of the closet, and he was in drag. Blech, it was a pathetic repeat of awful showbiz history, and it was just bad shit.

**And it is my self-imposed responsibility, duty if you may, to report and make fun of this bullshit that is called Jimgirl. Super crap calls himself that now, and I wrote him this letter.

Dear Jimgirl,

First off, I just want to let you know that you're yesterday's bad news, you cheap piece of suck-up, no-talent shit. You're not a celebrity, not even close, so don't tell us you missed show business. Your knee-high, quarter-famous¹ ex-girlfriend, that dwarf you stepped on in your pathetic attempt at social climbing, she barely cut the fame cake. And that's not for lack of practice, either; she had this nightmarish full frontal video clip where she was taking a shower. Disgusting stuff, really. And that's coming from me. I grew up watching those Faces of Death videos, and I was practically desensitized. That video of your midget benefactor, in all her godawful nakedness, had more horror in it than the one with this Japanese guy eating shit with a spoon. God, that takes me back.




The only thing proper about that interview you did last Sunday was the timing. I mean, it was Halloween, and it would have been swell and dandy if you were in drag for the publicity. But it turns out that you were in drag because you're an actual fag, and you're not kidding. Funny, you're wearing that bonnet, and you're not kidding? Anyway, there's nothing original with the coming-out-in-drag gimmick. Somebody beat you to it. And it stagnated his already rotting career all the more. He had movies, and an Imdb page, and a Wikipedia page, and a lovely ex-wife who was more prosperous after the divorce. He came out in drag, and that sinked his Titanic. Meanwhile, the height of your popularity was your name in a bad song.

♫Piolo, Piolo, I love you. ♫Aga, Aga, I like you. ♪Jimboy, Jimboy, I hate you. ♫Eh kasi naman, niloloko mo ako.♪


I'm sure you practiced for that "exclusive interview." You even dressed for the occasion, poorly if you should know. But you can't cry on cue. That One Close Up was critical, and you let the moment pass with this painful attempt at shedding a tear. Which didn't happen. We knew you were faking it right at that moment when you started to look like somebody punched you square in the nuts. But, nope, no tears. Your badly done make up was run-free, and it could have used the character that those "tears" will provide. That's a shame, really, because you were none the prettier anyway.



That interview with The Buzz will not help you none. Well it helped you become the butt of our white hot loathing, but aside from that, there will be no benefit in your behalf. It was just thoroughly pathetic, if you should know. Furthermore, I don't think that what you earned from that TV guesting will be enough for a beauty parlor. You might as well revive your role as a parasite and look for a midget sugar daddy in show business. But that's a bad idea, I gather, because the novelty of dwarves in show business died out in the 90's.



Your coming out in The Buzz will not help you none, so here's a thousand-word picture I promised for consolation.


¹I can't say semi-famous, that would be telling a lie. And I used that to address proportion.

14 comments:

  1. ahahahaha hindi naman halatang galit ka sa Jimboy na yan!!

    hayz showbiz sa Lupang Hinirang para ding pulitika!

    cheer up Khiekhie!! good vibes dapat!! hihihi

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is hilarious. The sharpness of your words, how each demeaning, deprecating expletive is sent with the precision of a caliper. Expounded with the bile and venom of a disgruntled audience, indignant and provoked. The absurdity of it all, he fancies himself a pseudo-lebrity. The sort of self-aggrandizing neurosis our entertainment industry boasts of. Leave it to the locals to put the crass is crap.

    His supposed coming-out is such golden, warm, fresh-excreted, semi-solid, adhesive crap.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ahahahaha! i'm a fan teh. yours and glentot's are my go-to-blogs for a lolz-trip.
    i'm loving the so-in-your-face-i-don't-give-a-flying-fuck humor.

    More verbal diarrhea please.

    (ngayon lang naglakas loob mag-comment,di ko na matiis. takot ako dati, follow anonymously pa nga drama ko before)

    ReplyDelete
  4. bwahaha you cracked me up.

    that jimgirl is a whack. it was one of the wtf moments of the weekend when me and my sister saw him on tv. .
    what a lame career move. pfft.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have to disagree, I do think he's genuine. The way his hair is genuine.

    Will he hook up with Dagul?

    ReplyDelete
  6. And thanks to Orally for the mention.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ay gigil kung gigil! @ Pokwang

    Napanood ko ung interview na yan sa TV, talaga namang maya't maya ang kashe-syet ko. Si bakla naman kasi eh obvious namang trying hard na lang, bakit namn kasi pinipilit pa. Nagmumukha siyang katatawanan. Pero alam nating hindi iyun ang intension nya. Ngunit sinong hindi matatawa sa ganung outfit diba?

    Muah!

    Hey, you're here! @ Red the Mod

    Buma-bile, vume-venom... the well meaning rhetoric is something I'm looking forward to. Expecting, even, because that is signature Red. Hell yeah to what you said, and I'm glad you're here.

    Cheers you!

    Aww, really? @ Orally

    Thanks for the props and for finally getting yourself visible! I'm humble, in spots, and I promise I don't bite, so keep dropping by and have yourself a blast!

    Will you be having cock with your verbal diarrhea? Ahaha, I'm a jerk, and I'm glad you're here!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Exactly! @ I'm Doing Sponsored Posts Bulitas

    You called it right. LAME! I knew I was missing an adjective.

    I have a question for you, though, you cute little emo-wreck you. How much will a 100-word review cost in your blog? I'm just asking because somebody close to me is doing her research.

    I agree @ Glentot

    And those black leggings make him size zero. And his Flaming Flamingo, his birdy's pet name, actually made contact with Mahal's Santan. And he will have a great career in show business with a longevity to parallel that of Dolphy's or FPJ's.

    Cheers you two!

    ReplyDelete
  9. i was restraining myself from blogging about his "rebirth," and surely you did one hell of a job writing a piece on such cheap drama. thanks mars.

    ReplyDelete
  10. hullo momel!

    those paid posts are under 200 words minimum. advertisers usually give 9-10usd per post. not bad though. :D


    -the cute lil emo wreck
    LOL

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh pleasure's all mine @ Hondafanboi

    Although I must amend that cliche to say the displeasure's all mine. That pathetic drama queen in tasteless drag is just too insidious to pass on.

    Ahh @ Cute Little Emo Wreck Bulitz

    Minimum 200 words for at least $9. Thanks. Looks like those charges are more or less the same. Thanks you! Here's a kiss in your general direction.

    Muah!

    ReplyDelete
  12. oh god, i needed that. darn it, where was i when that came out? i actually admire him for his courage. lol

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ahahaa, you're shitting me Citybuoy!

    All the admiration I had for these obviously gay men and their coming out has been, well, it never existed. I far applaud the little gay kid who had it rough growing up because he knew what he was that early and then he stood his ground.

    Meanwhile, these motherfuckers are giving the word Pathetic an all new low.

    ReplyDelete
  14. One of the many things I am so glad I miss for not turning the TV in my room on for, let's see, more than 8 months, is this. I was surprised that my TV was still working when I tried it last week. The reason? Shalani Soledad. Bohahahaha.

    BUT OHMYGOOOLAI HE LOOKED RIDICULOUS! Ngayon ko lang nakita si Jimgirl! Haha. Potangena.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin