Horror Movie Review #9: The Exorcist

THE EXORCIST
Directed By: William Friedkin
Release Date: December 26, 1973
Running Time: 122 minutes
Language: English
Horror Type: Demons
Sex? - Some masturbation with a crucifix
Gore? - None for a movie with a demon in it
Momel's Rating: 2/5

A team of archeologists unearths the Demon Pazuzu in this dig in Iraq.This evil spirit, with a snake for a penis (I just HAD to mention that, sorry) obtains a US VISA, and flies to the States where it raises hell on poor little Regan Macneil by way of bodily possession.

She learns to foulmouth very impressively, begins to speak in several tongues, grows superhuman strength, masturbates with a crucifix for a dildo, and rotates her head in a 180 degree angle. That's backwards, and, for a movie published in 1979, that's almost the ultimate in freaky. Too bad the first of these manifestations occured about an excruciating 38 minutes after, and this was where Regan interrupts a party her mother was hosting, says "You're going to die up there," and proceeds to pee on the carpet. That was a very unhygienic way to get things going, but hell, it's just about time. See, life is too short for a crawling story that moves half asleep and wakes up some 40 minutes later.

The exorcist is Father Lancaster Merrin, the same dude who evacuated a demonic edifice in some dig in IRAQ an hour and 35 minutes earlier. I counted. He is assisted by Father Damien Karras, a psychiatric counselor who was the demon's bigger target of psychological attack because of the recent death of his mother. Father Merrin died in the exorcism, and the exorcist lived a good 20 minutes total. Which is not enough coverage for a movie that runs a full two hours. Anyway, Father Karras, in a violent fit of righteous indignation, begins to physically attack the possessed Regan with a blur of punches accompanied by cries to "take him" instead. The demon complies, begins to take over Father Karras' body, and he jumps outside a windows where he meets his death on the pavement several feet down. He takes the demon with his dying, and that's basically the long and short of it.

That's more like the short of it, and here's the, well, here's the long:

1. The first manifestation occured some 38 minutes into the movie.
2. The possession intensified some fifteen minutes before the exorcism started.
3. The exorcism started 95 minutes into the movie.
4. The actual exorcism is a 19 minute song and dance, and it took place after 95 minutes of waiting.
5. Father Lancaster Merrick, the exorcist, died 113 minutes into the movie. That was 18 minutes into the whole 19 minute ritual.
6. It's a ____ minute movie which reserved a full 20 minutes for its ritual namesake.
7. Life is too short. Find time to masturbate instead. Don't watch this. Or at least don't expect much.