Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A Letter to a Cat

**What do you do when your cat starts grooming you? And yes, Saffy is a cat.

Dear Saffy,

So I have this Siamese boss, goes by the name Prince, and he assumes he’s royalty because I call him that. Anyway, we’ve been together, or I have been his property for close to three years now, and I’m writing to you because his recent grooming habits have come to include me.

This here is the boss.

Here’s our routine. I get home at around ten in the morning, and the mere click of that lock sends him running from his room upstairs. He meezers his way downstairs to where I will be taking off my shoes, and then he starts rubbing his whole length off my legs. The Siamese are long cats. And their awful miaowing, which is to say guttural, is an acquired taste.

So I take off my shoes, deposit my coffee mug in the sink, and then go upstairs to change. He will be a foot away from me all that time, and he will be miaowing me to my death if I don’t pick him up and hold him like the baby that he is. Literally, like the baby that he is — I cradle that bothersome sweetheart for a full minute and I look at ourselves in the mirror. And then he licks my arm with that rough tongue; he uses his wet sandpaper when he’s cuddled enough. I have changed to my houseclothes by then, and then I will go down to sit on the sofa. He will still be a foot away from me.

Have I mentioned that I talk to Prince and then he miaows back? Always? Sometimes I assume that he’s cursing back, but I have come to expect that. Yes, he talks back, and I will far rather drown than talk shit in your presence.

This is The Boss when he's not in the mood.

So I sit down on the sofa and do nothing for some time; I will be reading a book or growing my Pokemon, whichever’s handy. And then this Prince will heave his weight on my stomach and curl into a ball. Have I mentioned that he’s a long cat, close to two feet, and he’s slender? Anyway, he makes sure that I’m uncomfortable enough with his hairy, curled up length before he starts to groom himself. You know how it goes — he starts with his right shoulder, gives it a few long licks, keeps his eyes shut all that time, bites himself some, and then rinses his left shoulder in the same manner. He then proceeds to fashion the small of his back with the same discipline, but he does so briefly because he’s curled up. What takes time, though, is his face. He licks his arm, whichever’s handy, until its moist enough and then he pushes his face on it two to three times. And then he moistens his arm again. And then again. And then again some more. Why, the world will have ended before he’s just about satisified with his handiwork. You’d think that he’ll be coughing up a hairball that can sink the Titanic anytime soon, but no. He proceeds to wash the right side of his face!

This feline ceremony seems to go on for hours when observed from a distance. Imagine the bother when he grooms himself while he’s lying down on you. But it gets more troublesome, though. Just when I think that he’s done and proper, he starts licking at my shirt. At first I thought he missed a spot, and then he might have over-licked or something, but he works at that same spot on my shirt, just above the stomach until it’s moist! I am not kidding you, Saffy, and I sure as hell am not imagining things. I can feel the friction between my shirt and his wet sandpaper, and it’s bothersome, but he doesn’t quit until I’ve had enough licking for the morning and shushes him. Shush! He pauses some, briefly looks at me with those deep blue cat eyes, and then continues with this extended regimen that has come to include my alarmed person. I then shove him away, and then he miaows something on his way up the window sill.

He’s done this quite a lot of times before, and I suspect he’ll be doing this again this morning when I get home.

I am writing this to you, Saffy, because I want to know — what’s up with Prince?



  1. If I am Saffy.. I will say..




  2. aw...Saffy's advice would be for you to watch Puss in Boots in those shrek movies and look at those incredibly cute eyes so you won't have to ask why Prince has to groom you, too.

    I have always been fascinated by pet lovers because, well, I don't like having pets, especially cats when all my three kids have asthma. :-(

    But then, who gave you the right to complain? Prince is royalty, or haven't you noticed? =)

  3. I grow my Pokemon too! I'm still trying to finish Pokemon Black Version. :p

    Hindi ako cat person. Pero I promised myself I will try to expose myself more to the felines lalo na't Jesse Eisenberg loves cats. Oo, fanboy me much. Bwahahahaha.

  4. nagdadalaga na si Prince... baklita siya teh... ching!

  5. Hello, Momel! Merong hidden desire sa'yo si Prince, kaya panay ang dila sa shirt mo, hehehe! Very well written, iba talaga kapag ikaw na ang nagsulat! I admire people like you, who knows how to take care of their pets! =)

  6. awww..namiss ko tuloy yung cat that i grew up with. she used to groom me too. :S

    this is very kafka on the shore. lemme know if he answers back. baka he knows what happened to your brother in law. lol

  7. nalilibugan lang siya sa'yo, momel, kaya panay ang dikit niya sa tiyan mo. lol!

    re: here's a tip
    haha! eto na ata ang bagong marketing strategy ng mga hinayupak na korporasyon. ang walang kamatayang pag-like sa kung anumang shit ang binebenta nila sa publiko.

    re: how to be her
    walang picture. to see is to believe! XD

    re: better late than delayed
    read the review with relish. pero hindi pa rin ako manonood. ang mahal ng ticket eh. lol!

    re: eh pano ka nga naman...
    alam mo momel, ikaw siguro 'yung tipo ng bakla na masarap mahalin. hindi ka kasi tulad ng ibang baklang puro tite lang ang habol. hindi sex ang habol mo eh; kundi tunay na pag-ibig. <3 <3 <3

  8. Chel -- Parang ansarap sarap ko lang anoh! Ahaha!

    Kaye -- Well, trooth, royalty nga si Prince, pero anghilig niyang dinidilaan ang balls niya.

    Vajayjay -- Nice, sinong starter mo? Ako rin hindi naman talaga cat person, naalala ko nung bata ako eh hilig ko ang manglunod ng kuting sa drum na plastic. Pero di ko naman tinutuluyan yung mga bagets, joke lang kunyari. Salbahe ko nun eh. Hanggang ngayon naman, pero love ko na si Prince. Ayaw ko lang ng pusakals na majingay. Hinahabol ko ng walis tambo.

    YJ -- Actually concern ko yan dati pa, fren. Sabi ko nga sa nagbigay sa akin niyan mga three years ago eh gagawin kong Princess yan. Watch out.

    JM -- Apir sa atin! Alam mo yan. Naalala ko yung kuwento mo dati tungkol dun sa dalawang aso. Kumapit sa akin yun. Anlakas kasi maka-Hachiko eh.

    Nyl -- You lost me at that Kafka on the Shore bit. Shot pa ba? May nalalaman ka pang brother in law eh. Salubong ba yang huli mong tinagay fren? Ahaha!

    Lio Loverboy -- Wow, comment salad. Parang kapeng three in one! Para kanino ka bumabangon! Shempre, di ako papakabog:

    A Letter to a Cat: Feeling ko eh property ang turing sa kin ng hindot na pusang yun. Pero okay lang. Love ko naman yun, very light.

    Here's a Tip: Maari. Gayunpaman eh voluntary ang pag like ko. Pairalin ang diplomasya! Gloria, tuta ng kano!

    How to Be: Ay naku, nasa FB ko yun, naaapaka-gandang chikas. At napakabait pa. Mahinhin at may sense of humor. Gayunpaman eh dingga pa rin watashi.

    Better Late: At di ka talaga makakanood na gawa ng di na sila nagpapalabas sa Newport.

    Eh Pano ka Nga: Muntik na akong maduling sa pagka-touch dito sa comment na to. Pero punks ako, bakla pa. Di ako pa-sweet. Tropa lang sa mga frenship kong hombre. Anlakas kong uminom, at rakenrol ang vibe ko. Suplada pa ang aura ko. Kaya napagisip isip ko, walang masarap mahalin sa kin. Kupal ako eh. Kahit long legged pa. Ahaha!

    Cheers Chel, Kaye, Vajayjay, YJ, JM, Nyl, at Lio! Mabuhay Kayo! Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!



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