Friday, December 03, 2010

Cheers to Drinking Advice! (Updated With Input from You, My Darling Punk Readers)

**I have been nursing a broken heart these past few weeks. And I believe that it is time for me to say this, and I say this on a spiritual note -- Tama na yang bwakanang syet na drama na yan! I-kampay na to, mga punks!

**My hearts too smashed and I need a fucken drink! There is therapy in moderate alcoholism, but be sure to have friends with you. Drinking alone plain and simple sucks, and nobody should be left to doing that unless they're hardcore alcoholics with no social life.

**Meanwhile, these are but playful advice, to be taken with a grain of salt (not to be taken literally). I just happen to have something to share about this most darling of vices, and I went through a lot these past few weeks. "A lot" can also mean to say a lot of alcohol, and it supplied enough comfort that I felt I should do something in return. So here's this list.

**The title was modified because I suppose it makes better sense, what with your darling input and all. Cheers you lovely punks!

1. Don't count the number of bottles of beer you've had. That's something a macho-posturing teenager will do.

2. If you have this nagging secret you've committed to taking to the grave with you, then don't drink in excess. Alcohol lubricates the jaws, loosens your restraint, and it encourages you to talk it all out. The tears are optional, sure, but the secret will spill, by and by. I know this guy, this gay guy from CDO, who could've remained in that closet if only he hadn't kissed that guy in public because he was too drunk.

3. Use a jigger for good measure. Seriously. I'm a "hard" drinker by choice, and whoever came up with that piece of glassy convenience should be knighted, or canonized, or run for public office.

4. If you prefer doing it "a la tambay," where everybody plays left in this circle with this one jigger, and you feel you've had plenty, then learn to pass. If you're not man enough to admit you are officially smashed, then give yourself a break. Take a breather. Walk it out. Take five. But do come back to your drinking circle because your fellow "tambays" will think you've folded. And that's the last thing that a macho guy like you wants to happen.

5. If you prefer doing it "a la tambay," where everybody plays left in this circle with this one jigger, and you have pulmonary tuberculosis, then get your fucking hands away from that shot glass! Motherfucker.

6. Alcohol in is alcohol out. So if you feel like taking a leak, then stop holding it in, piss it all away, and praise the Lord because you now have room for more alcohol!

7. Alcohol dehydrates you, and a glass of water from time to time helps. This works best after you've had an alcoholic piss.

8. Yes, you can use cold water as a chaser. Don't be such a faggot.

9. There was this one early morning in 2003, I think, where I shared a bottle of "gin bilog" with two "barangay tanods" (citizen watch). See, I also wave and say hi to the poor people "din." Anyway, they sliced 15 pieces of calamansi, squeezed the juice AND the seeds into that bottle of gin, took out a shot glass, and played left. There were three of us, and there was more for me. That shit tasted like hellfire down my throat, and I would far rather die than play left to that concentrated venom.

10. Don't drink to impress. I remember this one time in college where I was late for a drinking session with the "cool people" of 3-C Mathematics. I wasn't much of a drinker then, but I was courteous and spilled with etiquette, so I took that tall glassful of gin-pomelo and gulped that mess bottoms up. I wanted to make up for lost time. A few minutes later, I started seeing black spots ahead of me, I was seriously getting dizzy, and my stomach was suddenly disagreeable. I walked to the bathroom in a series on unbalanced steps, closed the door behind me, and I passed out.

I remember waking up to the smell of vomit and seeing one of my classmates looking in from outside that small window. I was lying down the white tiles of the bathroom floor. He shouted something that had my name on it, and in a few minutes, or years, somebody unlocked the bathroom door, carried me to bed, and wiped me clean with a warm, moist towelette.

The humiliation didn't stop there. I woke up a few hours later in this screaming fit of curses. I stood up and started foulmouthing everyone, walked to the bathroom, and went back to bed with my cursing mouth still on its loudest. I then heard her mother shouting back, "Hoy! Tigilan mo yang pagmumura dito sa bahay ko! Iinom-inom ka, hindi mo pala kaya!' (Hey! Stop cursing in my house! Stop drinking if you can't hold it in!)

That woke me up. And the most that my courteous person did was to apologize in shame.

To this day, I still tell my friends that I don't drink gin no more because its too "squatter" for me.

11. I never bow my head down while drinking. This is more of a superstition than an advice, though.

12. Practice makes perfect. Form a Saturday Club. For Bloggers! Yeah baby.

13. If you, my darling punk reader, have some advice or tips on drinking, then please drop me a comment and let's improve on this list.

"I take cold water as a chaser, probably the wisest advice by a pechay friend. And refrain from fatty/salty pulutan. -- Orally"
So it's got to have a temperature for darling results? Check! I'm sure there's a scientific explanation behind the preference. But I don't do scientific here unless its about a perverse sexual act. Thanks Orally!

"Eat a banana. No pun intended, as in a banana. My teacher said it keeps the alcohol from going back up. -- Glentot"
Ohh I loathe that feeling with a passion. That's because it's just a second away from complate and utter humiliation. Bananas. Got it! Thanks Glenn!

"I learned from Y Tu Mama Tambien that beer is the best cure for a hangover. It's true! -- Pat"
Again, this sounds like one of those crazy ideas that actually worked. There's something about this idea that I just postively adore. Thanks Pat!

"I once heard you can eat a tablespoon of butter before you drink. It supposedly coats your stomach so you don't get drunk easily. -- Neil"
This actually makes sense, but I'm not one to eat a tablespoon of butter. It's fattening, and it tastes weird on its own. Thanks Neil!

"Eat something oily before you drink. -- Barry (an offline friend who ran and won the National Presidency. I kid. He could be a stunt double. I kid.)
This makes sense, most especially if you're looking at Neil's Butter Rule. I'm thinking of doing research now, because I'm a gay nerd, to address the science behind these additional advice. But I don't do research unless its about a perverse sexual act. Thanks Barsz!

19. Thanks again for the input! Keep those darling advice coming, you lovely punk readers!


  1. hard drinker din ako pero lately natuto na ako sa beer..yipii tao na ako!!!

    ang masasabi ko lang...wala sa lakas mong uminum yan..nasa kundisyon pa din ng katawan mo yan..minsan may mga pagkakataon na isang shot pa lang eh medyo feeling mo may tama na..meron namang kahit magdamag ka na sa inuman eh feeling mo para ka lang uminom ng tubig..ahahaha!!

    paguwi ko Khie..inuman tayo...pomelo sa akin gin sayo..ahahaha

  2. i take cold water as a chaser, probably the wisest advice by a pechay friend.
    and refrain from fatty/salty pulutan (advice#2 nya na di ko sinusunod kasi boring na tagayan nun)

  3. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaate drinking hard. I drink mostly to socialize with my idiot friends, so I'm there for the fun part, not to punish my liver. One time I drank a glassful (me and this ex-nun one-on-one, we had no jiggers) of Emperador, after the last gulp, everything came back up (brandy, peanuts and dinner). The ex-nun, well, she was quick with the plastic bag.

    And one time me and my friends drank The Bar. Or like 15 The Bars. I scandalized myself, threw up into the toilet bowl, passed out and woke up wearing this floral form-fitting shirt with a V-neck. Then my friends gave me an award, Best in Vomit Scene. They had a plaque made for me.

    So now I just drink Tanduay Ice.

  4. Powkie,

    Check na check ang kundisyon, lalo pag pagod eh parang feeling ko ambilis tamaan. Minsan naman weird, pag halimbawang na-alimpungatan ka, tapos napa-inom ka na, parang kaya mong dere-derechuhing pa-morningan. Minsan naman pag nae-elya ka na eh mawawala na ang tama mo, pero hindi naman alak ang hahanapin mo. Wahaha!

    Oo pag uwi mo Powkie, i-kampay a yan! Di ako naggi-gin. That's so squatter. Ahaha!


    Cheers to cold water! I don't do pulutan myself. Yosi lang tsaka chika, okay na!

    Cheers Himhay and Orally, Mabuhay Kayo, Muahness from Pasig Citehhh!

  5. Advice pala, eat saging. Banana. No pun intended, literal na saging. Sabi ng teacher ko, it keeps the alcohol from going back up.

  6. Glenn,

    Ahaha, Tanduay Ice, chix na chix lang ah. Ako naman GIN, ay that shit will kill me. There was this one time, I was drinking with the cool kids of 3-C Mathematics...

    Oist, I ordered several Twisted 9 books. I'll give you one. Gusto mo may pangalan mo? Hehee, kasi ni-request ko yung dalawa dun eh lagyan ng pangalan ng bradir and sisterette, kung bet mo eh palagyan natin ng pangalan mo, gift ko sa yo.


    Mabuhay Ka Glenn, Muahness from Pasig Citehhh!

  7. Glentot,

    Ay totoo, lalo na yung isang saging. Ay hindi pala, I take that back. Lalo pag sumasagi. There was this one time...

    Ahaha, thanks for the banana tip. Tandaan ko yan!

    Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

  8. pat sesh12:06 PM

    i don't care about drinking etiquette, but i learned from y tu mama tambien that beer is the best cure for hangover. it's true!

    what i hate though is people who drink and drink but can't hold it in. tapos magmomonologue or aarte nang random.

    have you been drinking because you're still in pain o tomador ka lang? just always remember the liver is more important than the heart - a worthless advice coming from a non-medical professional.

  9. What's (12) if we are not to practice it eh? I hereby call for a drinking session, whether there be depression that needs to be flooded down, happiness to be celebrated by inebriation, or the simple joy of enjoying a moment of gab with friends.

    What say you?

  10. i once heard you can eat a tablespoon of butter before u drink. it supposedly coats your stomach so u don't get drunk easily.

    we have a sort of saturday club. you're welcome to join us anytime! :)

  11. It's been a while.

    I'm not really a bad-ass drinker. Two or three bottles of beer and I'm drunk. Plus I easily turn red. Ugh.

    BTW, somebody in the office knows you from JZ's blog. I gave him your url.

  12. Barry8:42 AM

    I drink to unwind and relax. I do not over-drink. Ayoko nung feeling wasted the following day.

    Yes, water will help. Katabi ko yan lagi while drinking alcohol.

    Eat something oily before you drink.

    PS: Nakalimutan ko na ng tuluyan yung google acct ko. Ahahaha! Damn it!


  13. And we have five fantabulous comments from five ferosh people. You fags are just darling!


    Ohh really now. Beer? Hangover? That sounds crazy, like most ideas that worked, and I will find employment for this darling suggestion!

    As for my person, I get very, ah, touchy when inebriated.

    It's therapeutic appeal has lost it's charm, and I'm drinking now because of the company. Don't worry, Pat, I'm a liver lover, boy, and I only drink on weekends.


    I'm willing to host the thing! We have two events planned this December (yehess), a "Gossip Girl" party on the PM of the17th (I will not dress up, period), and then an all-gay event on the PM of the 25th. I suppose we can set one up of our own following any of those two events so we can still use the tables and chairs? Or, if you guys want to, we can just join the fun!

    My faggot friends are hella funny, if you should know.

    What say you?

    Cheers Pat and Red, Mabuhay Kayong Dalawa, Muahness from Pasig Citehhh!

  14. Neil,

    There you go! I'm powerful glad I asked you punks for feedback! So far, I have bananas, beer, butter. I'll be updating!

    And thanks for the invite! That is just so absolutely darling!

    Loverboy Manech,

    It's been a while. Daaamn straight! But whatever, as long as you're still here, then we're good. But you're doing better, I suppose. Ahaha! You missed much, and I'm mighty glad you're back!

    Huy, how did that go? How did he know? Tell me what happened! If you will be so kind, dear sir, as to spare my person some of the details, then I shall be so very much obliged.

    You just excited in a non-homoerotic kind of way.

    Cheers Neil and Manech! Mabuhay kayo! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

  15. Barsz!

    I don't mind feeling wasted the following day, which is why I only drink during the weekends. And there you go, something oily before you drink. Any suggestions?

    Uy, thanks for dropping by fren! Salamat naman at nakakahanap ka pa rin ng time na um-aura dito sa aking munting kubeta kahil alam kong gabundok ang mga papeles na inaasikaso mo dian sa Malacanang. Bukod pa diyan ay may bago kang lovelife, dun sa stylist. Andami mong eksena pero nakaka-comment ka pa. You're the best po. Bangon Pilipinas!

    Mabuhay ka fren! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

  16. I love you Momel thanks for thinking about me! Yes I want one I want one I want one!!!

    Now how do I top that gift? How do I trump something so precious???

  17. Manech,

    That was meant to say

    You just excited mein a non-homoerotic kind of way.

    Kuwento mo na kasiii!


    Yehess, I love you too. Wahaha, wag nang trump trump, okay na yun!

    Cheers Manech and Glenn! Mabuhay kayo! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

  18. "Excuse me please, one more drink
    Could you make it strong 'cause I don't need to think...

    One drink to remember, and another to forget"

  19. There's a reason why I find poeple who drink alone at bars weird. And that's.. wait.. I actually want to try that someday. Scratch that. XD

    The man I fell in love with when we were still in college got drunk when we were having our class' Christmas party. His ex girlfriend (yes, he tries hard to convince people he's straight, I refused t belive so) was there with us. All those times before that party he convinced everybody that he was over her, then after a few bottles of hard drinks, he was almost whining like a bitch asking why she left him. The bastard. My heart was crushed into pieces I almost lost a week of my life because of hardcore crying shit. Pathetic. I know, I know.

    Number five is hilarious! :))

    Gin bilog? Ano yun? Yun ba yung inumin ng mga sunog baga? Hahaha. Iskeri!

    Patawa ng malakas sa "too squatter for me". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I only started drinking about 2 years ago, before I graduated college. I didn't want to be an alcohol virgin. Virgin na nga ako sa maraming bagay pati ba naman sa alak. INUMAAAAAN!

  20. Kane,

    That reminded me of this recent Parokya ni Edgar song, Lasingin Niyo Ako. But are those lyrics to a song? Or did you write them yourself? Mighty powerful lines.


    Wahaha, glad it made you laugh. Oo, yung gin bilog eh yung Ginebra na nasa bilugang bote, yung may marka demonyo. Sinumpa ko yung paking syett na alak na yan, suka - tae ako sa bwakanang maderfacker na yan. Pero dumami frens ko kasi yan ang madalas naming inumin nung college. Dun sa bilyaran. Mura kasi shang kanawin with pomelo, or pineapple, or kahit kalamansi. Bihira na ang umiinom ngayon niyan, kasi Matador or Emperador Light na ang pisil ng mga sang-kabaklaan at sang-kabagetsan sa Pasig.

    "Too squatter for me." I have this friend, Princess Baldo, and when we're in the mood, we go out, and "wave and say hi to the poor people din."

    Let's plan ourselves a drinking session one of these days!

    Cheers you two! Mabuhay kayo, Kane and Vajarl! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

  21. Sorry sa late reply. Ganito yun.

    An officemate began talking about blogging, so I told him I also blog (which I think he knew already, but I'm not so sure).

    He told me he's a fan of Zafra, and was very much familiar with the Lit Wit challenges. I asked him if he's heard of you and sabi niya, yes, he's won a few times.

    Sabi ko you have a blog, gave him the name and url. He's more of a lurker, so I'm not really sure if he's been here already.

  22. Loverboy Manech,

    Ahhh, yun pala. Ahihi, azarrr! Wala lang, natuwa lang ako. Thanks for the kuwento ha, at good luck sa love life! Ingatan yan, make sure na walang regrets!

    Okay gow! Mabuhay ka Manech! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!



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