**And I was supposed to do the Breastfeeding in Cabs Story right about here, but I gather I like this post more. Enjoy!
What is the origin of "shit-eating grin"? "a big shit-eating grin"? (My personal favorite, hands down)
What is the oldest phrase in English still in current use? (It's as old as 3200 years. Yes, bitch, Old Testament.)
What is the origin of "go to hell in a handbasket"? "going to hell in a handbasket"? (Powerful phrase!)
What is the origin of "To Paint the Town Red"? (That Sheena Easton song comes to mind.)
What is the origin of "Bad Hair Day"? (First heard in 1991. In the fowking UK. No offense, mates, I'm on a fowking roll, is all. Cheers!)
Because I'm not just sexy and long-legged, I'm also edu-tainment-ional. Ahaha, to hell with that made-up shit. So here's this site you can peruse if metaphors turn you on in a kinky kind of perversely orgasmic way. In case you needed a refresher, a metaphor is to writing as color is to painting (I got that line modified by Jessica Zafra's cat, Saffy), and if we are to maintain this blogging fancy and theirs (throw in the cat), then we need all the help we can get.
Metaphors are to writing as colors are to painting. To put it in another way, a lifeless style does to writing what Filipino police do in hostage taking situations. Get it?
If you want subscribers, then you have no business being dull. Unless of course you find it in your very marrow to rebut any modification that attacks your boring person. Please, be interesting and do figures of speech. Keep your shit tight. You can't be dull and duller at the same time. That would be overkill, and nobody likes that; I'd far rather be flogged with the family cat until I can no longer stand than read you in your tedious entirety. You are publishing your "random thoughts" online; don't tell me you're not asking for an audience. I can see you enabled comments, so stop pulling my long-legged legs.
Motherfucker, it's always "random," and it's always "thoughts," but it's still the same uninteresting mess anyway. One word comes to mind, though: thesaurus.com.
Maybe you can go ahead and bookmark this site(and bookmark me too, while you're at it), learn from it (like shit you will, but please try), and maybe impress the rest of us frustrated writers with your suddenly wonderful command of figurative language.
"You are publishing your "random thoughts" online; don't tell me you're not asking for an audience. I can see you enabled comments..."
ReplyDeleteHaha bull's eye. I've never read any blogger who touched this point until now. I've always held this belief that we don't really just blog for ourselves, otherwise, we should just type our "random thoughts" into Microsoft Word and never let it see light of day. We blog because there's this need to be read, to be agreed with, to be appreciated, and be remembered.
So with that need, I think it's important to put effort into what we're writing, to keep it interesting. If we can't write about colorful stuff to attract butterflies and bees then we can at least write shit and attract flies.
So Amen to you.
Hahaa @ Glentot
ReplyDeleteFunny you should mention the flies. I had this template four years back where I had stationary flies in the background. My readers then liked it; I should try and do something about it.
Thanks for dripping by Glentot!
Cheers!
P.S. You thinking of going to the Jessica Zafra meet-up?
When's the meet up and where and what about??? All I care for is getting my Twisted 8 1.2 autographed. She can just spit on it and I'd be happy.
ReplyDelete