Wednesday, September 29, 2010

It's Harry Potter on Crack, and The Perfect Mark Twain Quote Us Bloggers Can Use

**This bullshit book needs some loving. So here, presented for your orgasmic pleasure, Andy Mulligan's Ribblestrop. Meanwhile, we also have the perfect Mark Twain quote that's right on the nose for us bloggers.



You cannot un-see what you've seen; it's there, photographed into you. They were both looking at him, immaculate in his Ribblestrop uniform. A chalk-white face, with staring eyes that had no life. The lips were apart, as if the boy had died speaking, and he was bolt upright. But worse, much worse than this -- was the sight neither Sanchez nor Millie could look at... the top of the skull had been removed and, sitting there ripe and raw, like a brightly-coloured dessert, was the child's brain. Ribblestrop, page 244



Ribblestrop is like Hogwarts for Out of Control Youths that are a sneeze away from Juvenile Hall. They have 13 year old kids who keep guns under their pillows, chain smoking adolescent arsonists who blow smoke rings, most of the faculty's gone mental, and none of the kids are physically unharmed for long. The Headmaster, Doctor Norcross-Webb, is this jailbird with a remarkable debt to pay (it's six digits long, in pounds), and the Towers (Ribblestrop Towers, that's the school's full name) are just recently burned because of some arsonist kid from last term It was once mentioned in Jessica Zafra's blog, and. It's. Fantastic. Honestly, how can you disagree? Look at that quote; you never saw none of the Hogwarts kids getting lobotomized.

Own the book and then read it. It's masturbation gone mental. Or maybe J.K Rowling on some prime weed.


Now, if the Greatest American Humorist of his age, died 1910, had something to say about blogging, then it will have to be this



It is no use to keep private information which you can't show off.



Of course, he was referring to that cerebral calisthenic that we, as bloggers, subscribe to. My point here is that his explanation as to one of the many purposes of writing translated well into our age. He fucking rocks. Read him, too, and find out what hilarious content you guys have been missing out on.


And I'm showing off this quote because there's no use in keeping this information private.

And I will be posting the Jessica Zafra Meet-Up next! Next year, that is. Hahaa, I'm a jerk. No, really, it will be next!

19 comments:

  1. Do you have a copy of this book? Not that I'm insinuating that I would like to borrow but it's up to you to interpret ahahahahaha I love stuff like these. You just gave us a sneak peek and I love it already it's my new passion I'm waiting for the movie adaptation.

    It had me at lobotomy...

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  2. Hmmmm @ Glentot

    I supposed I can lend you the book, if you promise to love it and feed it and raise it well and educate it and take good care of it. It's lactose intolerant; it opposes my breastpumping with all the syllable in its being. Hm, I think I can, seeing as this will be an opportunity for us to meet. I think you will like it. And while we're at it, I may even let you borrow my DVD copy of Lucio Fulci's The Beyond.

    Yeah, I suppose I can. But don't give it hell, okay? I am near SM Megamall.

    Cheers you!

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  3. That's great!!! I promise to raise it as my own and then have an incestuous relationship with it ahahah. Promise marunong akong magsoli ng hinihiram ko hehehe. But it doesn't sound fair na ako lang ang may hihiramin so I think I should lend you something from me too. Too bad I don't have a physical copy of Marquis de Sade's 120 Days of Sodom, just an e-book, all that debauchery would have been a great read for you (if you haven't yet).

    I have Arthur Conan Doyle's complete works, you interested in that? Ahahaha. Now for movies I don't have an extensive collection. You want In The Realm of the Senses?

    I'm always in Megamall on Sundays, is that a good day for you?

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  4. Well that's alright @ Glentot

    I just started reading this George Burns monster, and at a little more than 700 pages, I think I won't have time for anything else. Hell, I won't even have time to masturbate. So that's alright, don't worry yourself with having to return the courtesy. Just return the damned book when you're done with it! Ahaha, you know I'm a jerk. And I mean it.

    Yeah, Sunday's divine. But it will be a little after 3pm though; I clock out at three. Or wait. You down with this coming Sunday, the 3rd?

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  5. This is so far gone my proclivities. I like my macabre in small doses, cause I'm such a wuss when it comes to these things.

    And LOL at "It had me at lobotomy".

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  6. Hello! @ Manech!

    It's more on the juvenile delinquents than on the surgery, and it's got tons of humor and twists that make for easy, breezy, beautiful reading. And the cover's beautiful, too. I have to admit this is one of the prettier books on my shelf.

    Ahaa, that is funny, the It had me at lobotomy. Gold, I tell you. We might meet on Sunday because I might lend him the book. You doing anything then?

    Cheers you!

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  7. There's a copy of this book lying on our apartment floor. I had no idea it was good. Imma start reading tonight.

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  8. Why hello! @ Ex Jason

    Would you look at that! But you gotta admit, the cover's as pretty as a daisy, noh? Yeah, it's a fantastic read, I tell you. It's got everything that the Hogwarts kids didn't have to go to, and it's a riot.

    First time seeing you here! Thanks for dripping by!

    Cheers you!

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  9. Yes this Sunday is perfect. Alright then I won't bring you anything and I promise to return your stuff in better condition than when you lent them to me ahahahahaha. I'll be there earlier than 3 so I'll see you! Thanks!

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  10. Sure! @ Glentot

    Email me your details so we don't get ourselves lost. It sucks to be unproductive on your day-off.

    Cheers you!

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  12. napadaan..nagbasa pero hindi napunta sa utak...binasa ang comment..dumugo ang pekpek sa sagutan nyo ni Glentot...

    sa next post ako magcocomment ha Mel..muahhh!

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  13. Sorry I have something tomorrow. Raket.

    But we could set something up one of these days.

    Uy, kunin ko number mo. Email mo sa akin kung pwede: thebashfulone@gmail.com. :)

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  14. Ahaha, honga naman @ Glentot

    Sorry about that, ahaha, natatawa ko. Tanga tanga ko lang! Sige, I'll email you my number.

    That's alright @ Pokawang

    Ahaha, kahit sa comment eh may pekpek na involved. You're the one na talaga!

    Sounds like a plan @ Manech

    I'll email you my digits.

    Cheers you all! And thanks for dripping by!

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  15. You got me at Harry Potter and I knew right away this would be a ride.

    The cover itself reminded me of a retarded Milligan.

    Matignan sa public library kung meron na.

    (love the review. changed my post pic. ;-)

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  16. I kept thinking Battle Royale while I was reading your description of Ribblestrop. That movie still gives me nightmares.

    You make me want to read the book. I mean, I loved Harry Potter pretty much because I grew up with it. But this is something really out of the box. Plus I think arsons are interesting.

    You just met Jessica Zafra? Jealous!

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  17. Hello! @ Kiks

    I'd love to know what a Milligan is. And then I'll go retarded from there! And I'm still remembering that sinful bicol express you used before in your recent post, and I'm still thinking extra rice. Ahaha, I will get back to it!

    Cheers you!

    Oh you're here! @ Vajarl

    I like you even more now that you just referred to Battle Royale.

    I will be posting the Jessica Zafra meet up this afternoon. It took some time, but it was the very accomplishment of this blogger's blood, sweat, and shit in his pants.

    Keep dripping by, will you?

    Cheers you!

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  18. Aha, another title I'll be putting on my endless booklist :>. Andami nang nakatambak na hindi ko pa nababasa na sa totoo lang ay dapat gawing illegal dahil mortal sin na magkalibro na hindi mo pa nababasa lalo na kung kating kati ka na. LOL.

    Isa lang naalala ko nung binasa ko yung post mo: Battle Royale. Ewan kung may kakabog pa dun. :))

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  19. Ichigo -- Ay oo naman. Ang problema kasi eh iba ang gravitational pull ng BOOKSALES sa ating mga bibliophiles. Basta may SALE eh kailangan may bibilhin tayo, kesahodang may isa kang librong kabibili lang the other day. At wala ka pang twenty pages dito sa naunang libro.

    Naalala mo yung Battle Royale? Powerful talaga yung pelikulang yun ano? Paluung palo!

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