Gay Beauty Contests

Beauty pageants have always been a staple in Philippine comedy. Or on any type of comedy, for that matter, as long as the stupid catches you off guard.

This is no exception. I watched this local Gay Beauty Contest this one time last week, and it was remarkable for a lot of reasons. And here are some of those reasons.

HOST: Wow, Candidate Number One, you are so very tall! What's your height?
Gay Candidate #1: I'm 5'9.
HOST: That's very tall! I'm 5'11, and it's very hard for me to be tall. So, is it very hard for you too?
Gay Candidate #1: Yes, it's very hard for me too.

I didn't get it. I'm 5'10 myself and it's not so hard, see?

HOST: Candidate Number Four, your question is, What is your greatest fear?
Gay Candidate #4: Ladies and gentlemen, that's a very good question. And to answer that question, I must say that, in all honesty, my greatest fear is blushing. Because if I blush, then that means I'm afraid. And that's why its my greatest fear. Thank you.

Anyway, that host sports a very fake, trying hard English accent a la call-center-agent-in-training, maintains that Candidates #16, #18, and #23 all love to watch TV during their spare times, and calls it the swimswear competition.

That was a long night. Out of twenty four candidates, we were treated to three Angel Locsins, three Katrina Halilis, four Marian Riveras, and one Black Darna. Much like a gay 12 Days of Christmas.