Sunday, December 26, 2004

Boyfriend Material in Heels

**That's a mighty goodlooking gay guy.

Twooo snaps in a circle, baby girl!It never bothered me at first when members of the opposite sex express sympathetic regret over some really gorgeous dude's deviant sexual orientation. It usually begins with a playful tease which goes something like, Shit, and guwapo mo naman! Pakalalaki ka na lang para mapakinabangan mo naman yang gandang lalaki mo!


I have a lot of really goodlooking gay friends, and some of my straight females, being the unhindered bitches that they are, used to playfully comment on the apparent worthlessness of all that male charisma in the wrong male. "Man, you're drop dead gorgeous, but you're gay." At first, they take it as gratefully as any gay guy can since nothing in hell can possibly go wrong with unsolicited praise. In the long run, the same tiring dialogue begins to take its toll, and what at first sounds like music to their ears begin to mutate into the offensive blaring of barbed wire being fried. What my gay friends would do is that they, being as characteristically polite as they can be, shrug it off with something witty to abort further attention towards the same discussion.

But let it be known that they're getting sick of it. It sounds like being gay completely takes away their right to be beautiful on account of their over-abundant charms will never grace anyone of the opposite sex.

Well newsflash, girlfriend, and two snaps in a circle, they're flamingly gay, for crying out loud. What that means is that in terms of sexual relations, members of the opposite sex have as much appeal to them as a bucket of spit. You're seriously missing the point.

To these females, handsome gay guys are like finely crafted spoons with a hole with which to consume foamy seafood soup. And whoever gave them straights the idea that these fantastic gay guys are supposed to take part in their fantasies, whoever this idiot is, has got to be trippin' on too much peyote. Waaay too much peyote. It's either that or it's a cup of shit that overfloweth.

My point is this: they're gay, and they're every inch fabulous. Allow them to acknowledge their deviances with not as much as a finger in protest. They're pretty much like butterflies, so allow them to spread their wings and prepare to fly, and hell NO, this reference to Mariah Carey ain't no coincidence. And besides, there is a great wealth of handsome straights out there, so at least derive hope elsewhere.

Oh, and just so you know, this goes out to my beautiful lesbian brethren as well. And in this context, there is no pun intended in "fingers in protest."

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