101 Big Dick Jokes (Part One)

**The material for this post was obtained from a nine-page chapter from Drew Carey's book, Dirty Jokes and Beer. Hardbound, got it for P90 in a bargain bin. Good find, noh?


1. My dick is so big, there's still some snow on it in the summertime.
2. My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in. I had to stand there and argue with the doorman.
3. My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.
4. My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
5. My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.
6. My dick is so big, it has an elevator and a lobby.
7. My dick is so big, it has better credit than I do.
8. My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.
9. My dick is so big, it was once overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
10. My dick is so big, it has casters.
11. My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow.
12. My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.
13. My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.
14. My dick is so big, it lives next door.
15. My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.
16. My dick is so big, it votes.
17. My dick is so big, it's a better dresser than I am.
18. My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.
19. My dick is so big, the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures.
20. My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th homerun.
21. My dick is so big, it runs the 440 in fifteen seconds.
22. My dick is so big, it is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob. (wtf?)
23. No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first.
24. My dick is so big, it takes longer lunches than I do.
25. My dick is so big, it contributed $50,000 to the Democratic National Committee.
26. My dick is so big, it was once the ambassador to China.
27. My dick is so big, it's gone condo.
28. My dick is so big, it hit .370 in the minors before it hurt its knee.
29. My dick is so big, it was almost drafted by the Cleveland Browns, but Art Modell didn't want a bigger dick than he was on the team.
30. My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler.
31. My dick is so big, when it rains the head of my dick doesn't get wet.
32. My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I wasn't so afraid of getting a hard-on and killing myself.
33. My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper.
34. My dick is so big, it has feet.
35. My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it.
36. My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales to jack me off.
37. My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.
38. My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.
39. My dick is so big, it has investors.
40. My dick is so big, it seats six.
41. My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring.
42. My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole.
43. My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake.
44. My dick is so big, it has an opening act.
45. My dick is so big, I can fuck an elevator shaft.
46. My dick is so big, it has his own Wheaties box.
47. My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings.
48. My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it so cars could get through.
49. My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse.
50. My dick is so big, it only plays arenas.