The First Joyful Mystery is Brought to You By

I don't usually share much as far as the goings-on of my offline life go. But when I do, I make it a point to share something that's worth the time and trouble. In my personal estimation, the most boring story is something that's loaded with the pronouns "I, Me, and My," and if it can't be funny or scandalous, then it's not worth reading or listening to. If its all about you, and we know you're a total bore right off the bat, then it's not worth reading or listening to. If it hasn't got the words "tattoos, writing, second hand books, big dicks, horror, fellatio, sodomy, minors" anywhere in its entirety, then I will roll my eyes, give you the finger in secret, walk away and find time to masturbate instead.


So I'll keep my mouth shush on the Bolinao trip. It was lovely, and it was most enjoyed, and it was a pleasant trouble to my liver, but that's mostly the long and short of it, so I'll stop here. There isn't much to report, although there was this one time in the van. We agreed that it was driven by somebody with a deathwish, and we decided to pray the rosary on our return trip to Manila. Now, the last time I did the rosary was in Grade Six, and that was a few decades back, so you'd understand if I can't figure it out. I was going to do the First Joyful Mystery, and I was like "The First Joyful Mystery is brought to you by Jollibee. Bida ang Saya."


That was an honest mistake, mind you. But it was the second heartiest laugh I had on that trip. The first one was when I saw this version of the movie 300, and it was in Ilocano, and it totally killed me.

I am fresh from a wonderful trip, and I am as fresh out of ideas. But the First Joyful Mystery gave me something to chew on. Ad Jingles, that's what, and if you darling punks can figure out what these Jingles are endorsing, then I'll give you a... a... I'll give you a...


1. Clue: Frozen Good

"It's not easy to be a nugget
You look like all nuggets do
They don't know what really matters
Is what's inside of you
I'm a ______ _______ nugget
More chicken under my shell
A chunky,
Juicy!
Chicken delight
In every nugget bite!"

2. Clue: Breakfast

"Great things start from small beginnings…
Growing up with Olympic energy,
Growing up with ____,
____, ____ everyday"

3. Clue: Rachel Lobangco

"Sssh-boom Sssh-boom"
"Shhboom, Shh Boom….
yadadadadadada, Shh Boom Shh Boom..
yadadadadadada, Shh Boom"

4. Clue: Francis Magalona

"Katarungan, ito ang gusto ko
kalayaan, ito ang gusto ko
Kapayapaan, ito ang gusto ko
karapatan pang tao, ito ang gusto ko
kalikasan, ito ang gusto ko
kabataaan, ito ang gusto ko
kaibigan, ito ang gusto ko"

5. Clue: Bathroom

"Did you hear? (Oh, c'mon)
I don't believe it
It can't be true…
I can feel it, oh yeah, I feel it,
It really works, you better believe it…
I can feel it!"

6. Clue: It makes a rainbow.

"You wanna see what happens in a bag of ____?
What goes on before they touch my lips?
They make a rainbow…(chocolate ____)
A choco rainbow…(chocolate ____)
And then they color all the flowers and they paint the trees
They're sweet and delicious, look at all those bees
When I want fun, I get a bag of ____
And make a rainbow
(____, ____)…"

7. Clue: Polish

"_______, _______…
The secret of beauty is in your hands,
_______, _______,
Your beauty shines with _______."

8. Clue: 80s

"____, ______ _____,
Ang wallet na masuwerte,
Balat nito ay genuine
International pa ang mga design
Ang wallet na masuwerte
____, ______ _____."

My next post will be about big dicks. And it will be a mouthful.