Presenting the Non Graduates

**We'll be having another surge of graduates in a few more weeks. That means we'll be saying hello to a fantastic swell in the ranks of the unemployed. But I'm not writing this for them.

This goes out to those lazy motherfuckers who have yet to make their parents proud this year, but can't right now because they fooled around too much. I'm talking to you who won't be seeing the gratification behind a diploma because you're not graduating this year. You. Are. Not. Graduating. This. Year. Like you didn't last year. Yes, I'm talking to you who can't relieve your parents yet of their financial support for your stagnating education. And it looks like they will need to sacrifice another year of unrewarded overtime hours thanks to your aimless attempts at college. Yes, I'm talking to you who mastered the intricate science of Bumming with a double degree in Loafing. I'm talking to you who took additional units in Premarital Sex and Alcoholism because your units in Accountancy or Mathematics or what have you are just too gay to be taken seriously.

And it would have been promising were you guaranteed some decent enough job after college. But chances are, you will be more likely to maintain the same work ethic you've been so shamelessly displaying during your college years. You can just imagine it now, cutting work just to get yourself shit faced with the same crowd who pulled you down in your college years. It looks like you'll be a bum for a year or two after your graduation that's three years overdue, and we'll be hearing some very stoopeed excuse like "you need the hiatus." Promising, yes, but its not going to be okay. You're still not graduating this year because you are a lazy, impressionable oaf.

I feel for you though; I finished a four year course in five years maybe for the same exact reasons you have in your defense.