No, its not the resolutions on account of nobody keeps them anyway. Resolutions are the in thing for the last few minutes of the expiring year, and so last year after the first few hours of the fresh year. Never make crappy resolutions you know full well, in your sleep, you'll be violating in a heartbeat. No, don't say you'll quit smoking because, unlike a hole in the head, that will never happen. No, you'll not lose weight. You're packing in two holidays worth of calories, and your losing weight, unlike a hole in the head, will never happen. No, don't say that you're keeping your resolutions this year with such finality because, unlike a hole in the head, that will never happen.
A heart attack is final. Your resolutions aren't.
That's a really lousy way to kick start the year. So stop making resolutions. Of course, in what might be a flash of tired inspiration, you can resolve to never writing resolutions no more. But that's crazy stupid, and totally nonterminating in itself because it is absolutely, big word alert, nose bleeding PARADOXICAL.
(Grins in satisfaction, I am so smart i'm using a very big word like PARADOXICAL)
According to Dictionary.com,
This makes for a great segue for yet another reference to philosophy. I'm referring, grinning wider in total satisfaction because I'm so suddenly smarter, to the Liar Paradox. Go crazy.
Altogether now. I swear to make no New Years resolutions no more.