Friday, June 28, 2013

How The Gays Were Made (Part One)

Your motherfather just finished his last blow dry at around 2pm that day; they had to close the parlor earlier because it was your motherfather's 40th birthday. They began setting up the monoblock tables and chairs at around three in the afternoon. That signaled the actual preparations. A unit of homos was readying the ice box, the beer tower, the ten cases of Red Horse, and the two boxes of Emperador Lights. See, your motherfather and his friends are Olympic-level alcoholics. They drink with a purpose. Which is later on malicious.

Meanwhile, a gaggle of fags was frying all that lumpiang shanghai, all four kilos of it, and the tofu. Somebody else had the sense of humor to apply lipstick and eyeliner to several tilapia that were destined for a hell of deep frying. Meanwhile, another "fren" remained isolated from all that crazy hustle. He was crouched on one of those monoblock chairs, his legs propped, his shoulders stooped, and his face had the dedicated focus of a bomb disposal unit.

He cannot be disturbed. He cannot be touched. Because he had the scared duty of sending out the invitations to that evening's guests. He is group messaging the guests like crazy. He made sure he was registered for UnliText20. On two different phones. Because his was the most important, the most paramount, the most important task that day.

Of course, your motherfather and his alcoholic homo friends can easily drain all that excess in a bat of an eyelash. But it was your motherfather's 40th birthday after all. They have decided to intoxicate your motherfather guests. So that your motherfather's can get to unwrapping his birthday presents. That's the plan.

The videoke was in criminal force during your motherfather's 40th birthday. I remember it started at around 8pm. Now, your fatherfather can be one of the many barely legal kids hogging the mic and the songbook. I say "can be" because nobody remembers much of anything else during the parties your motherfather hosts. And that night, in particular, was truly an assault to my senses. Again, the videoke was criminal with all that  Tagalog rap songs. Oh my ears! The air was a felony with all that second hand smoke. Oh my nose! And your motherfather and his aging gay friends? Oh my eyes!

So you'd understand how your motherfather paralyzes the memory with the parties heshe celebrates. And, even then, the alcohol hasn't kicked in yet.

Again, your fatherfather can be anyone of those "true brown style gangstas," haha, hogging the karaoke. He can be the scrawny tanggero with the black shirt and the lopsided bullcap. He can be...

To be continued.

**I have been meaning to write a story about how us fairies were made. I wanted to give it the "Once upon a time..." format, it being a fairy tale and all, but I decided otherwise and just told it straight. Which is ironic for a gay story. Anyway, I wanted to give it time, a lot of time to think it over and edit everything in my head, because I wanted it to be of exceedingly grand proportions; I will tell this only once. Of course, I lingered, I strayed, and I moseyed from writing projects to another; my Fairy Tale was largely neglected in consequence. Blah. What you just read serves as a working introduction, and I propose to finish the damn thing before the year ends. This is a start.


  1. nice post... nakakadugo ng utak...

    1. Sooo... may pagka-masokista ka ano Senyor Iskwater? Nakakadugo ng utak subalit iyo pa ring tinangkilik? Weird ka, and aysowlavet. Maraming pagsalamat sa iyong pagdalo sa aking... ahhh... blog. At salamat din sa iyong pag-follow. Lakas maka-chix, men.

      Haha, muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!

  2. Relate much sa mga info now i know hahaa

    1. Now you know what, exactly, Kulapitot? Haha, you can be a little more specific, you know. A little daring is always encouraged in this here blog. That helps to reinforce this asshole blogger's creative process. Uy, thanks for dropping by, Kulapitot. Thank you. And please keep dropping by, okay?

      Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!

  3. when does the second episode air? HIMYM ang peg. Haha! You just made sure your readers will really be hooked no? k, bring it on! :)

    oh, and I could really imagine how your group-messaging fren looked like. yup, with the dead seriousness of a bomb-disposal unit. sacred duty, indeed. hehehe

    1. Haha, Mommy Kaye, even I wouldn't know how to answer that. I haven't written a follow up post yet. I do have some ideas, but they are still lacking, and they can use a little dicky reinforcement. I have proposed to refrain from publishing half baked material anymore; I know my readers have standards.

      Which is exactly why I wouldn't know how to answer that.

      Haha, thanks Mommy Kaye! Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!

      P.S. Your book is now dated December 2010. I'd really love for you to finally own it on account of it is beginning to turn. Browning, rather. What if I just do LBC?

  4. interesting story. can't wait to get to the second part. the plot thickens!

    p.s. inimagine ko talaga ano itsura ng tilapiang may lipstick at eyeliner. lol!

    1. Why look who's here! Hell-o Loverboy, how you doing? Seriously, how you doing?

      Haha, ang tilapiang may lipstick at eyeliner ay isang lubhang nakaka-tawang bagay lalo sa personal. Syempre, lilinisin ulit ito bago isalang sa kumukulong mantika.

      Thanks Lio! Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!



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