Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Were You Bullied as a Gay Kid?

I skipped school for two weeks when I was in Grade Four. And that wasn't because I was bullied. Oh hell no. Far from it. And I'm not being defensive when I mentioned the bullying shit. It is because I was enrolled in this exclusive all-boys school then, and queer kids like myself are, and this is not a statistic, a curiosity in that knee length pool of testosterone. This was in the Eighties. Gay kids then were loud only amongst themselves. We were never harmed or sneered at because we took to ourselves and our homosexual tendencies weren't as loud or as aggressive or as flamboyant or as eager as the kind you see now. They had no real reason to threaten us because we had manners and bearing and all that exquisite crap.

Sure, we were surrounded by these boys who were built for the bullying business, but I was never punched in the face. I was never kicked in the shins. I always had all of my lunch money to myself. And I never dreaded physical education because, aside from those awful PE shorts that concealed my skinny girly legs, it was physical only for the education and nothing else. Of course, all that catching and throwing and running around and talk of Dr James Naismith was just as useful to me as my male hormones. But I got home in the afternoon unharmed, and I'm satisfied and bruise-free while I'm enjoying shit cartoons with my orange zesto in one hand.

My last name is pronounced as Tool-yaw. And you can well imagine how terribly impressionable young boys get; I was a shellfish all throughout elementary in consequence. I'm telling you, there's just no end to the name calling. It's "Hoy Tulya!" in the morning, where it's at its loudest summit. Hotdogs and star rice, as it turns out, were the breakfast of growing assholes with what can be champion potential. Meanwhile, the name calling simmers down towards the first Angelus, and then it gains momentum during science class whenever Mrs Whatsherface happens to mention that devilish shellfish.

But I wasn't bothered enough to take those insults to heart. Those kids were corny bores. They were a gross sarcasm to the bullying business. They can never be offensive even if they were cross-eyed, worked in groups, and had terrible body odor. Were talking about kids who can only try so hard, but they will never be funny even if they had the advantage of a sfeech depect. These bullies were of very little stock, had zero quality, and were bankrupt of any creativity in the fine art of insults. Why, nobody even though of making faces while they're throwing their lines! There is no mimicry to their punchlines, their jokes were second hand, and they worked with the gullibility of a mob. A stupid, stupid mob. I was surrounded by these lousy, no-talent jerks. And I thanked God for this simple fortune.

A gay person can only be insulted, or buckled, if and only if the punchline is so magnificent that it is beyond a ready comeback. These kids used the same material to its deathbed.

So, was I bullied as a gay kid? No. This is because I knew then, like I knew and validated now, that I am a bigger asshole than most straight guys my age. The only difference is that, this time, I have learned to give the dirty finger with my eyes crossed. Those kids my age were never uninteresting. They just don't get what it takes to tick me off.

I skipped school for two weeks because I have taken this intense liking, this aggressive interest towards cutting classes. Life was sweet. I lived on nothing but doughnuts and coin-operated arcades back then. I should have been learning the intricate processes of photosynthesis and prepositions, but I was mastering the thirty lives trick in Super Contra instead. Of course, I was thoroughly reprimanded when they found me out; I still remember that scene in the principal's office.

She had those motherly, old eyes about her, the sweet and smiling kind, and it is with those eyes that she asked me why I cut classes for two weeks. I said I was bullied too much. And I said it with a straight face. And I even said it softly, for theatric effect, with the voice of the oppressed, haha. I even named names. That episode gave me one of the most practical lessons that I use to this day: I learned that the most effective way to tell a lie is to do it quick and with conviction. Now I admit, I'm a jerk; I could barely look at those kids as they were hauled into the principal's office for an explanation. But I was relieved because I got to cut classes at other people's expense. I was a cautionary tale, but it was for the wrong, unsincere reasons.

Somehow, when I look back at that delinquent fit, something tells me that I chose the right kind of waywardness. Because I am now a gay punk.


  1. curious, just curious whatever happened after dropping the names of those unaware punks with distinct adolescent body odor? surely, they didn't punch you in the face and kick you in the shin after that, did they? :p

  2. p.s. just couldn't help giving my two-cents' shit over your thirty-lives trick in contra. back in high school, i, too, used to cut classes just to play in a nearby arcade-cum-computer shop. only that time, playstation's marvel vs capcom and siphon filter were the rage.

  3. Lio -- Well, they steered clear of my person. And that was about the end of the shellfish. Again, I never see them as bullies. They were jerks, yes, but there wasn't a particle of potential about them. Ha, would you believe that this is the first time I told this story in its honest entirety?

    I was doing challenge games in Recto (Rival Schools, Marvel vs Capcom, Street Fighter Third Strike) in college. Wow, will you look at that.

    Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!

  4. That first comment was from a straight guy. Thank you, Loverboy L. Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to what the faggots have to say. So, what about it girls? Were you?

  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  6. Oh my god Momel, I need you to delete the names right before the plus signs. I am using Notepad kasi. Work stuff. Haha. Sorry, sorry. Pa delete naman nung part na yun if you have time. Thanks! :)

  7. this is just great!

    bata ka pa gamay na gamay mo na ang pagiging Clara Del Valle.

    But true, sindakan lang naman yan eh. I was never bullied back in gradeschool. Except for this one time when a boy from a lower section just decided to pick on me and started chanting "ah bakla bakla bakla!" So I approached him, and smiled before sticking a newly sharpened mongol in his neck. The only regret i had afterwards was that he lived. I had such limp wrists.

    Nobody called me "bakla" ever again. At least not to my face.



  8. orally1:49 AM

    Yes but more so as a fatso. Pang maala-ala entry. Fuuuuuuck baklush na nga tabachingching pa.

    Ektweli nag-iisang shrek lang naman yun na ngayon ay patay na yata.

    o ayan, i remain orally fur u.

  9. kaaliw naman tong post mo Tulya! funny shit as ever. buti ka pa hindi na-bully, congratulations I think you should burn in Hell for eternity. ahaha!

  10. "I should have been learning the intricate processes of photosynthesis and prepositions, but I was mastering the thirty lives trick in Super Contra instead."

    Somebody beat me up to it, so whatever.

    I think you just had to choose your own education. Mine was Counter-Strike. :)

  11. I can't imagine you being bullied, not after having met you. Ang maton-maton mo eh. Takot ako sa shoulders mong wide.

    PS. 'corny bores' is so funny.

  12. Well, look what we have here -- the girls!

    Vajayjay Caduldulan -- Yaan, that's the spirit, holy spirit. This line, Pero when if they did that to me after I came out, baka magtatatalon beklogs nila, this line is gold. You go and give them the dirty finger with a look alone, and do it smiling, and hurrah for having grown this much conviction. Apir tayo sa last name keme. Naaapakadaling laitin ang last name. Inutil na lang ang gumagawa niyan ng paulit ulit. Nakakatawa siya for the first two, three times. And then it loses it's charm.

    Yan, ni delete ko na lang yung una mong comment. Pasensiya fren at medio natagalan. Nagkalat ako sa Batangas eh.

    Bakla, Bakla, Baklang YJ -- You got me thinking for a while there when you mentioned the word sindakan. I solemnly swear that was never the purpose of these tattoos. Hmmm.

    Dating Obesang Bienvenido Lim -- Bakit naman nag-Orally ka ulit kung kailan naman nagagamay ko na ang Bienvenido Lim? Hayyy.

    Aleph's Id -- I suppose I should take this as a compliment, pero di pa tayo mashado familiar okay? Tsaka na tayo mag-baklaan sa ganyang level pag nag-warm up na ako sa iyo. Okay ba yun, girl? Peace, good vibes, and common courtesy. You don't want me to dispense the same slip, now would you? Cheers!

    Manech -- Yehesss, in love. Kayo pa rin ba, ha? Sabihin mo dun na isama ka kung sakaling gow sila ni Jeff sa birthday ko ha. I'm sure I still got it right. Feel free to raise an objection if you believe that an amendment becomes necessary.

    I tried Counter Strike, once, and I was nauseous after the first thirty minutes. All that movement disagreed with me.

    Pat -- Ako, maton? Ako? Momel? Maton? Haaaaaaaa? Jamp brader. Ahaha, ano naman nakakatakot sa shoulders kong wide? Ow ey ka rin minsan eh. See you on the 21st.

    Cheers Vajayjay Caduldulan, Bakla, Bakla, Baklang YJ, Dating Obesang Bienvenido Lim, Aleph, Manech, and Pat! Mabuhay Kayo! Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!

  13. Pano naman yung middle name kong Malate? e di mala-tae di ba. leche. I was never a bully and didn't play with names the way juveniles do. But then, I was miss goody two-shoes when I was still young so I guess no one could mess with me. ahahaha! ako ang magbibigay ng disciplinary action sa kanila. ching!

    pero di pa rin ako makaget over. you really put one over those kids. and you did it with class. cutting class nga lang. ahahahaha!

    I am just curious. have you gotten in touch in the recent past with any of those kids you reported? if you do in the future, please do us all a favor by not mentioning that you blog. We still want to read stories like this. haha!

  14. The attitude!!! I like it! - Ana

  15. Anonymous12:05 PM

    pareho ata kami ng fave line ni manech...

    maganda ang shoulders na wide...babagay yan pag nauso ulit ang 80's!

    starlet b



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