Friday, February 07, 2014

Shove It

**I get your message. "Life is beautiful now that I'm dying." But do not tell me how to live my life. I am careful. Shut up and pray for your health. 

I know a sexually promiscuous somebody who is now HIV positive. And his suddenly messianic take on life, replete with Jesus talk and bible walk, is alarming for somebody who was as sexually prolific as he was careless. I honestly don't get it. You fucked around with everybody, hit the HIV Jackpot, and now you're praying for everyone? 

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I have a message for you, Sir. And it will not surprise me if you think you should have heard this before, but haven't. You are lucky to have friends who will let you hear what you want to hear. It is not their fault that they are too polite or too reserved or too careful. I could use friends like them when, like you, I should find myself helpless in my sickbed. But anyway. 

You are living what is left of your thin-ice life on borrowed time. You are, at best, a cautionary tale. That's what you are. Please quit your "God is Good" message or that "Life is Awesome" mantra you are now affixing to everything you are saying. We get it. We know it. And we will enjoy more of it, too, because we will continue to learn from your being HIV positive. We will not do the things that you did, Sir. Or if we did, we will be very careful. We will live longer. 

Perhaps there is something I am missing. I am aware of that. I could mention it, but I will not, because my heart is too outraged by your Unlikely Sunshine Show. Your appeal to sympathy is dead to me, Sir. You are diagnosed with HIV before you were a Bastion of Optimism. That's what I am seeing, and I am sorry if I have to say that. 

Like I said, I know you fucked around. It is not a dirty needle, or some unsupervised blood transfusion. You fucked around. You sucked every hard dick that stared you in between the eyes before barebacking you with complete abandon. So fuck you. Shove your Gospel in your ass much like that unprotected cock that gave you HIV. 

And I am sorry, too, that you have HIV. I am sorry if I sound insensitive and could use some HIV myself if only to see things your way. I am sorry for a lot of things that you could be enjoying now but you can't because your maintenance medication and your physical tests and your xrays and what have yous take up most of your energy. I am sorry if I don't get it or if I don't get you, but it bothers me. I'm sorry if I should sound like a bad slogan (Being HIV positive brings out the positivity in you!). I'm sorry if I see through your appeal to sympathy or if you think I got it all wrong. I'm sorry if I think differently. 

I don't mean to sound apologetic. I was kidding. 


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