Thursday, March 14, 2013

To the Butt Ugly Dude Who Is Not God's Gift to Womenkind or Gaykind. Combined.

**Unsolicited public service. Why the hell not?

I ask you Sir, I am humbly imploring you to, for the love of God, get yourself some pussy. A life? Well, that will be an enormous undertaking for someone of your social capacities. But a vagina? Sir, you will be pleased to know that you can, on occasion, find yourself a vagina with a receipt attached to it. Why, with just the right access to horse tranquilizers or some over the counter rape drug, you can also get lucky and get it for free.

It's either that, or a subpoena, but you need to take chances, right?

And there is even more good news, oh heavenly mother, in store for you! Listen to this: you do not have to be necessarily good looking, OH HELL NO, to score. I know right? Do I hear an amen? High five, homeboy, and two snaps in a Z-formation! Oh you don't do that faggot shit? I apologize. I was celebrating in your behalf.

There's no need to make faces, sir. I'm sorry what? What do you mean you're not making one?

My bad. I'm sorry. But you know what, you have got to learn how to know your angles. You have to know how to best present your angles. Lighting is everything, sir. Why, the right light will help conceal your sex offender features. No light, sir. That's the right light for you.

Which, I think, will best assist you in your intentions anyway. Get yourself some pussy. Distract yourself from your blistering love of self. You have no idea how annoying you are to the rest of us.



  1. I guess it would only take something (or someone) this extremely, uhm, unconventional to revive the countess of crass from his lengthy hiatus. But, risking the whip of retaliation, I must ask for some context. Where is this trademark snark at rabid hostility coming from?

    By the way, your voice was missed in the slowly homogenizing blogosphere.

  2. Haha @ Red

    You just killed me with that Countess of Crass bullshit title. I love it in the same vein that Madame Zafra called my writing Momelese (bastos and weird).

    Well, I remember Bryan Anthony (my amiga, my support from Day One, seriously, he once wrote me an email telling me that, I think it was during this blog's first year). He mentioned me in a comment somewhere that he sort of misses my writing. And so I have to oblige.

    See, I too can be kind at parts.

    The inspiration behind this post was derived largely from the same kind of trying hard ugly dipshits that are this post's subject. We see them everyday, smell their poser-ass perfume, and even, heavenly Jesus, talk with them if they're too dense to understand our attempts at ignoring them. Hay diosmio, I know I had to write something, so I did.

    This was something that I kept in my notebook. And the fact that we just subscribed to DSL was highly circumstantial; I was meaning to post in response to my amiga's unspoken request.

    And I found out that my readership has expanded some. I am still thankful, you weird nerds.

    Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!

  3. i'm taking some calculated risk here when i say that i'm not the butt ugly dude aforementioned.

    that being said, he can also probably buy a fake orifice at some discreet sex toy shop in the event of a pussy shortage.

    good to see your distinct shit reeking over the internet again, momel. :)

  4. Ay dios mio, no! @ Loverboi Lio

    None of you guys, okay? You guys are the coolest shit, okay?

    That being said, thanks for dropping by!

    Haha, distinct is a rather nice word, noh?

    Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!



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