Tips from My Blogging Mentor

1. Stop making excuses. You update like you are menstruating, which is, like, never. And when you do, you come up with something that's as rotten as pantyliner mess. Stop trying to "get your groove back." That only worked with Angela Basset in the movies. It's still there. You just need to work on your... stroke. Stroke? For masturbating your creativity, fool.

2. Be more relevant. Ha haa, I just made that up, and I wouldn't know how in the hell to follow that shit up.

3. Relevant my ass.

4. You're so distracted by your kinky night job that you might just be, and I'm saying this like its an off-chance, you might just be losing your grip on your moxie. Stay true to what you are by default. You're a flaming fag with a fine fluency for foulmouthing, and people love you for that. Well, maybe three of them love your for that, but that didn't stop you from not caring.

5. Number four translates well to your kind of trashy writing, so stop being so proper. Nouns can be proper, the British can be proper, you're neither. So stop trying, that is so not you.

6. You notice that bald spot in your sidebar? That's where your blogroll used to be. Uh huh. And you had the balls to place your hit counter up on the upper rightmost, just above your profile for everybody else's viewing pleasure. You should know, FYI, this blog doesn't read itself. And it sure as hell doesn't leave comments on its own posts. That would be very retarded, and I mean clinically retarded.

7. You need to acknowledge people again. Try that blogging calisthenic they call blog hopping. I mean, try it again. It might do you a whole heaven of good. It DID the first time around, so there's no reason why it shouldn't.