Don't Call Me Pokpok!

**It's all that, and uncontrollable bowel movement.

For the first time, I knew how it felt like to be "picked up" by a complete motherfucking stranger. Me and my group of friends went to one of the more promiscuous areas in Pasig because we wanted to know how it felt like to be a prostitute for the night. Nobody dared us to do so, and it was in no way, shape, or form a dirty fantasy. I did it because I wanted to know, and nobody's stopping me anyway. But before we got there, we went to the nearest 7-11 for cigarettes and pineapple juice. You know, nourishment.

Imagine me as a prostitute, and you're helping me big time. Hell, I can't even do it on my own. As a matter of fact, I don't think that I even dress the part well. I mean, I was there, and I had this simple white cotton shirt on and a pair of crisp jeans. I have a slight goatee, and the sleeve of my shirt was just enough to show half of my red tattoo. Take away the leather jacket and the harley, and I was more of a biker and less like a prostitute. However, that obviously didn't bother this guy in a red car who parked right in front of us and let the window down.

The least attractive of us was to play the pimp, and did he know what he was doing! My dear ugly bastard of a friend marched directly to this red car, and talked with the guy with the natural ease of a fuck buddy. I wasn't really impressed with this display of skillful pimping, and I made a mental note to warn him against watching all that Magandang Gabi Bayan and Imbestigador. I was watching him "do business" with that dude in the red car, and he got me to thinking. If there was a pimp school, he'd graduate "bugaw" cum laude.And after about three minutes of the "talk," he then returned with what has got to be the worst news of the hour.

"Momel, type ka nung nasa kotse. Gusto mo ba?"

I didn't need to say it, but my mouth was wide open in an unsightly gap that says "Whoa." Oh shit, I knew that I was here simply to know how it felt like to be a prostitute, but actually agreeing to THE act for ANY amount of money was simply out of the fucking question. Excuse the bad pun, but all I needed to know was how it FELT like, and there is no way that I'd further THE experience. For some reason, my heart just began pounding like a bad headache, and it took me a while to select the best cussword I can use. I guess I was never this off guard before, and I badly needed to foulmouth.

I was so shocked to notice that I can be, and that I am somebody's object of sexual attention. I am not unattractive, but somebody who's willing to pay to have sex with me is not the kind of validation I need. I don't remember giving anyone the finger that night, but I was anything BUT polite when I violently disagreed to the proposal. I do customer service by the nature of my job, but this was the kind of service that's on the other side of my equator. And I'm not being cute when I said "Putangina, hindi oi!" I just received more than what I bargained for. Turns out I bargained for something that's more like a bad joke in the first place.

It isn't funny to begin with.