More Hate! Or Updating the Hate List Part Two

**You'd think I have a story to tell by the way numbers 50 and 51 are highlighted.

46. Imagined life lessons from the mouths of sheltered little boys and girls who talk wise about shit like they're the next big Maya Angelou or something. Stop cluttering my Facebook Page with what second hand senseless shit you picked up from your similarly clueless friends. Listen here, kid, move out of your parents' house, start supporting yourself, and then tell me about it.

47. People who just can't move on. He doesn't love you no more, and he couldn't have made it any more distinct when he gave you the finger two years back. And you're still depressed over the same thing?

48. Tagalized songs. I know we're a mostly smiling race, in our own funny third world way that is, but seriously people. Shut the fuck up already, will you?

49. Cab and tricycle drivers who overcharge AND THEN have the balls to tell you that you should be aware of such overnight fare increases in the first place. And then you find out the next day, to your chagrin, that nobody approved of these increases to begin with.

50. Fixers who wasted no time in hypnotizing your full payment out of you to have that passport renewed. These are the same cheating motherfuckers who took their time in processing your passport. And that's if you were lucky enough to have any such transactions occur in the first place. Oh I so hate this now with the white-hot loathing that uncharacteristically gullible people reserve for two-bit scammers.

51. Mysterious turns in the business processes. Like when the business office suddenly closed shop on the same day they scheduled you for your personal appearance.

In the mood for More Hate?
1. My Hate List
2. Updating the Hate List

Little Fag Hags

I was having a cigarette this one afternoon. And there was this little neighborhood kid, her face in between our iron fence bars. She's this girl around five, perhaps, who was trying to strike a conversation in the way most daring, inquisitive kids her age are inclined to. She was like, "Kuya, sawayin mo nga itong si, si, si boy (and then she covered what was a forgetful smile with her left hand) kasi akyat siya ng akyat dito oh! (Hi, can you tell this little boy to stop climbing your gates please?)" She was pointing at our green iron fence which was about seven foot high. And then I told her, " Huwag kayong umakyat diyan, mataas yan, baka mahulog kayo (Don't climb up that gate, that's too high for you kids!)" in a calm voice that's appropriate for reprimanding kids her age.

And then the boy, her daredevil playmate, joined in on the conversation with a very intelligent observation. "Bakla! (Faggot!)," the little sonofabitch said in a half-scream that would drive closet queens my age crazy with helplessness. I knew better, so I kept smoking.

At that very moment, the little girl shouted in protest, "Hoy! Hindi siya bakla! (Hey! He isn't a faggot!)" towards her daredevil playmate who was already a good distance away at this point. She then turned to me and continued with her unbroken attempt at small talk. She said, "Hindi ka naman bakla, diba? (You aren't queer, right?)" while moving her hands up and down the iron fence flanking her cheeks. I smiled at her and said, "Huwag mo paglaruan yang gate, marumi yan. (Stop doing that, those gates are dirty.)"

Unfazed, she responded with a playful "Di naman ako umaakyat sa gate eh! (I'm not climbing up your gates!)" And then she looked at her hands and wiped them briskly on her shirt. "Ay oo nga, marumi nga! (You're right, it is dirty!)" I finished my cigarette, went inside, and thought to myself. That little kid is going to be a fine fag hag someday.

Her daredevil playmate, on the other hand, will be the agony of any given closet queen.

Now here's a really related post
Little Girl, What Makes You So Nice?

Of Fixers and HIV

**There are things that make your problems less worthwhile.

This sweet talking fixer raised hell for me this morning when I went to have my passport renewed. It's a long story, and I won't tell much about it because I probably won't hear the end of it. So I won't. But it was goddam hell in Pasay City that day; the paper work and the commute, well, those are fun compared to what I'm actually furious about. And to think those were what kept me from having my passport renewed in the first place.

Motherfucking third world negro actually got me to pay P1,700 for his travel agency's services, when it would only cost me P1200 to have it processed by the goddamn government. And these two offices are just a few feet away from each other. So you'd understand how my shit boils with this recollection, and my fingers are suddenly sore from all this enraged typing. That's how angry I am, you know.

And then I went to my sister's to tell them about it.

She, however, had a fresh story of her own. She then went ahead to tell me of this one friend, a 27-year old gay guy, who was just recently diagnosed of having full blown AIDS. His tuberculosis, they thought they cured that, came back with a vengeance and it evolved into pneumonia. And it was the kind of pneumonia that's associated with HIV positive people. And he has that kind of pneumonia because he is HIV positive. But that was two weeks back; it has blown to such inoperable proportions since then.

My problems almost went away after she told me that. In retrospect, I have no real reason to bitch fit about such regular things as scam artists when people my age are dying elsewhere. Their lives are suddenly so truncated to a screeching halt that they may not have time to get themselves scammed.

Horror Movie Review #38: Resident Evil Degeneration

RESIDENT EVIL DEGENERATION
Directed By: Makoto Kamiya
Release Date: 18 October 2008
Running Time: 97 min
Language: English
Horror Type: Zombies, zombies, and bad ass boss zombies.
Sex? - Don't count on it.
Gore? - Yes.

This film is so boss. I've been following the video game series with religious motherfucking discipline, and it's amazing, really, how them cut scenes make for a fantastic full length film. No, it's not a collage; it's got its own zombie mayhem that, although slow at parts, worked well with the crisp detail of the computer animation. And I never would have thought that a full length CGI (Computer-generated imagery) film would make for an effective horror movie, but it worked for me.

Crisp detail. That's a weak phrase I tell you. We can use "eye candy" if only it weren't too gay.

I give it a 4/5.

So I Got Me This Funny Book For a Panty-Dropping Twenty Pesos

**That calculates to 43 US cents. Damn straight. I would if I could, but I'm not shitting you. Turns out you can still get cheap things that you don't mind showing off.

Nothing's that new with 2010. The purchasing power of a hundred pesos is still as gay as it was in 2009, if not gayer and sucks a bigger cock. So imagine my sweet, sweet pleasure during one of those unplanned side trips to this second hand book store. I got me Dennis Miller's The Rant Zone for twenty pesos (43 US cents). He's this kick ass Emmy Award winning comic, and much of the material in this book originally appeared in his stand up routines. Makes for a rip-roaring fucking riot, I tell you, and I got it for twenty pesos.

Twenty pesos won't buy you a pirated DVD. Twenty pesos can't fetch you a damn root beer float. Twenty pesos won't get you a liter of Coke. It won't get you half a pack of Marlboro Lights (they're 23 pesos in any 7-11 outlet). It sure sure as hell won't get you half a hand job, let alone get you laid, but I got me a real funny book for it.

My point? Its a funny book for a price you won't mind. And at twenty pesos (43 US cents), it can't get no fucking better than that. No, this is not a recommendation of sorts, I'm just so pleased with my rummaging skills, and my spectacular good luck. Like most everybody is, I reckon, with any fantastic find.

And because I'm all about generosity and charity and all that creamy goodness plus a bag of chips, here are some quotes halfway through the book.

"The word 'fuck' is a beauty, isn't it? From its fricative genesis, blossoming into its ripe, rich middle until its cruelly truncated in its prime by a merciless glottal stop... In all of its earthly, salty illicit Anglo-saxon glory, "fuck" is almost as satisfying to say as it is to do."
--On the English Language

"Ronnie was ... offset by nose hairs so unkempt it looked like he had just inhaled Bob Marley, feet first."
--On Auto Shopping

"Women have to tread very carefully so as not to shatter fragile, male egos, so my recommendation for the first serious female presidential candidate is that her campaign slogan should be 'Oh My God, You're So Big.' "
--On a Female President

"A sign that someone is a great friend is when I can go long stretches in his company without saying so much as a word. That's trust. My best friend? Actor John Garfield's perfectly preserved corpse."
--On Friendship

"You know your marriage is in trouble when your wife starts wearing the wedding ring on her middle finger."
--On Relationships

"Most of you don't know this, but I was a child star and I have kept it under wraps because I thought it would hurt my career as an adult. You probably don't recognize me with the goatee but, yes, I played the little red-headed girl Margaret on Dennis the Menace. Fuck you, Mr. Wilson!"
--On Child Stars