Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Repost This

**I don't think the DISLIKE/ HATE /SUCK MY DICK option will happen. But I'm still waiting for a radio button that says "Does this post make sense to you?" Or at least a setting that says "Hide all posts from gullible people in your network."

I know it's a god send if it does happen, but I will keep that feature disabled anyway. I will run out of material to bash. For example...

I've seen a lot of these posts going around and muddying the already dirty waters of my FB wall. I have nothing against trash, I love to talk it, but if it's the dumb kind of trash that does nothing but to betray one's surplus of voluntary stupid, then I give it the dirty finger. You know it's not going to happen. It's always been a free service. And if some fake news gets your panties too much in a bunch that you have to comply to it's terms, then you a. Forgot that it was a free service in the first place b. Are too lazy to do Google c. Don't have enough of an offline life d. May have the mentality of somebody in a mob.

Reposts sustain themselves with the idea that if everybody else is doing it, then it must be true. Or if it was reposted enough, then it may be true. Oh please. But you find something out in the process though. Why, you have something in common with a lot of people in your network! Can you imagine that! We're all doing the same thing! I'm down with the right crowd! I'll repost this motherfucker to its death because we are the champions of this cause! We are a mob, and we operate on other people's ideas until it becomes our own! And, if its any consolation, I'm confident that Facebook is not closing my subscription now because I reposted. Take that, you cocksucker with a blog and no Facebook account in the future!

You shut your mouth.

Facebook is not going to close your account. The verified truth is there are a lot of idle minds out there who have this genius propensity to circulate the right kind of fake news. And when you think about it, this is not even remotely alarming these days. People get devilishly creative. But you go ahead and re-post it anyway because you're too scared to lose access to your online Ego Gym. Bitch, you can't be that stupid on purpose. It's more likely that You Just Are, by default, so you go ahead and repost the fake news anyway.

I will still like you even if you are gullible, though.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Amazing Numbers

**This here is an undistilled, but edited, thank you of sorts.

I've always been conscious of my stats. And what makes it ironic is that I don't blog hop as much as I used to in 2006. I no longer advertise. I no longer promote. I don't see the point because my ego's as big as my brownish rabbit-shit tits anyway.

The only endorsement that this blog has been receiving for quite some time now is through my Facebook posts, my comments on Ms Jessica Zafra's blog, and then my existing links in some of your blogs. But, just the same, I am no longer actively promoting this hole in the wall. I am satisfied with what numbers I'm getting: I am averaging 40 to 50 hits on Mondays to Wednesdays, less than 30 hits during Thursdays and Fridays, and around 70 hits on weekends. And you know what, I am happy with these averages because I read somewhere that the secret of a happy life is lowered expectations.

I don't bloghop anymore because these new blogs tire me with the enthusiasm that peaked on the first month. It has been the same trend since 2005 anyway, and I've since learned to lower my expectations.

The content's a different thing, too. The internet is running out of the Suck My Dick kind of writers that I... prefer. But then, I barely have time to go over those punks in my blog roll anyway, let alone go on a blogger treasure hunt, which is unprofitable eight times out of ten. So I keep myself here and write on a once a week basis.

I don't go out, as far as blogging goes, because I've since learned to lower my expectations.

I no longer exchange links as much as I used to because I've since learned to lower my expectations.

I've kept to what numbers I'm getting because I've since learned to lower my expectations.

So you can imagine my confusion when I saw these numbers last week. And bear in mind that I rigged my StatCounter in a way that it doesn't count my own visits (like to create and edit a post).

Thank you for your visits. You know what I write, and how I write, and you know how I like to be obscene, but you kept at it anyway and I don't know why. You are such a comfort to my ornamental foulmouthing! You don't know how appreciated I feel with every pageload. And your endorsements and linkages? Why they are a grateful murder to my unthanked being!

But, on a serious note, you guys are hella weird.

Muahness from Pasig Cirehhhh!

P.S. Keep at it though. We can be secret friends. Thanks again!

And on a related note, I would like to thank you, Salbe, for that link. It reflected in this illustrious surge in my hits the week before these stats took place. ABNKKThankYouPPLAAKO. And to you, Bryan Stars, for being an "avid fan." Your words, amiga, your words. And to The Punk for giving me, at last, the one thing that you spared me since I met you -- eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Poor People and Their ATMs

**Long lines give you good ideas.

1. Won't somebody please designate a special booth for people who have no clue as to which end of their ATM goes into the machine? The least they could do is to include Basic ATM Training before they introduce the principles of burger flipping or canned-good bagging or making change.

2. I know long lines are a drag, but seriously, won't you guys limit your ATM Entourage to at least two people? And mind you, this includes yourself. I understand that the thought of maxing out your ATMs only to have your 800 pesos taken at knife point's something to cry over; your unemployed friends make you feel safe. But help us people at the back by lowering our expectations. Clear up space. Help us keep track, would you?

3. Why are the sneakier looking social climbers always the ones with at least three ATM cards? And why do they keep the PINs for those cards written in some piece of paper? And why are they always maxing out their withdrawals? For all three cards? And why are... ohhh.

4. We might be sharing the same queue, but our monthly salaries are a different story. So don't look back at us with that disappointed "How come?" look in your eyes as the machine screams "Insufficient Funds" with your most recent transaction. That laughable gesture's lost its point as we, in the back, don't really care. Life moves on, like this line ought to be doing.

And besides, that sense of indignation feels soo fake.

5. Please stop displaying your brand new ATM card at us. That makes you look so cheap.

6. If the machine's an actual booth with a door, and you're next in line, be courteous enough to let the person ahead of you exit first before letting yourself in. That's common courtesy, and there's no buying that. Much like common sense, when there's only one line, and you go on ahead cramping my style with your "Is this the pila (line/queue) for the ATM ba?"

7. Yes, that machine's smarter than you, and believe it or not, you're already down to your maintaining balance. So stop asking "Are you sure???" with that second balance inquiry in a row. Yes, it's sure.

Sunday, September 04, 2011

A Message for You Facebook Philosophers

**If you can find it in your hearts to kindly choke on this, please?

If quoting makes you cum, then go for it. Do it again, and again, and again, until you're pronounced dead by ejaculation. Quote to your satisfaction, but remember to credit your sources.
--I said this first, as far as I know. I Googled this goddamned light bulb moment.

It's so easy to echo what second hand words of wisdom you just heard or read somewhere. And it's just as easy to capitalize on somebody else's experiences, lump it in a weak phrase, and then pass it off as your own. Almost everybody else is doing it, everybody with an unhinged ego trip that is, and I am, quite honestly, ladies and gentlemen, getting really bored.

I can always let it go, of course, because its the same hand me down inspiration from the same dull people. And it's the same unyielding persistence of people who don't have a point, really, that gets to me. I can always hide their posts from my news feed, but I'll run out of material to bash. I can't call it a love-hate relationship. It's parasitism with a suck-my-dick attitude, that's what it is.

What I'm saying is that I can always let it go, or they could always die first, but I'm enjoying this secret pleasure one can only have in bashing. The letting go option, I suppose, may not happen.

Why is why I am proposing a suggestion, instead. Choose your wisdom and get it tattooed. Ink, needle, blood, antiseptic. Stick to it. At least we know your message goes across -- you really mean what you say. You can say it everyday, and you can reinforce your new found understanding with amazing visual aids. And you weren't just having a fit of plagiarism.

Shit Happens. Let it go. I wish I could take credit for this wonderful philosophy, but at least I mean it. And I live by it now with the loyalty of a bad ass lap dog.

Now that I think of it, the authors of my Anonymous Comments can use the same message. Let it go, love.

P.S. I will be having my meaning of life tattooed this September. There will be blood, needles, and pictures. I am suddenly possessed of this familiar need to fill skin.


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