My Worst Christmas Memory

I've never had a bad Christmas until that one in 95.

My mother, she's a doll I tell you, and she was wrapping singulary empty gift boxes. She was more like preparing them for display than having them summarize the holidays with new stuff on Christmas morning.

She had enough money for boxes, gift wrap, and tape, but not enough for actual presents. I was never a brat, but there was still some reasonable materialism in my person. Practice made it all the more refined. And with all my previous Christmases, I had more than my proper share of practice. My holiday spirit was this growingly greedy presence, more like an evolving summary of my abundant Christmases past. And it was that same nasty spirit, however improperly reasonable because it uses "upbringing" as an excuse, which played a big role in imprinting that memory with severe graphic detail.

I tell you, you don't forget things like that. It killed my expectations, made quick work of paralyzing my Christmas Spirit, and left me decidedly less convinced of a merry Christmas that year.

I Give Myself Gifts on Christmas

I give myself gifts on Christmas. And yes, because I'm still going for the element of surprise, I wrap them presents until they're as pretty as summer. At least I'm sure that there's something to look forward to, some wonderful souvenir that will at least try to elicit a look of pleasant surprise, however practiced, come Christmas Eve.

I do this because I hate crappy gifts.

I AM buying the fancy idea poor people say a lot about thoughts counting more than the gift itself on account of I do tend to rain on somebody's Christmas day parade. On purpose. Most especially if I suspect that person to have wrapped this 10-piece shoe horn set with my name on it. Or if this other person gave me this monogrammed towel with the letters C A on it. Which is either a bad choice for a gift on account of my initials are R T. Or it might be a very cruel joke which meant the towel belongs to some Crazy Asshole.

But, like the good sport that I am, I always receive such presents with a fake smile. Or a straight face. Whichever is more appropriate.

The fake science that is Gift Shopping's pretty much hit-and-miss. You miss all the time, unless of course you're armed with a detail-specific wish list. Underscore specific since "porn," on its own, won't cut it if you get your kicks jacking off to gay male porn only to receive three volumes of heavy lesbian loving sea games.

Beggars Can't be Choosers Part 5: Only In the Philippines

The story is all about this group of carolers who were rushed to the hospital after a group of drunks opened a big can of whoop ass in the middle of their Christmas carol. Those drunks were singularly opposed to old school carols, so they asked for pop songs. Somebody in the crowd appealed to the drunks to please stop bashing the carolers. The said diplomat wasn't able to catch a flying bottle of beer which served as a prompt response to his request.

Allow me leave a blank space, enough for a paragraph, as I will be leaving enough room for disbelief. You remember the exploding laughter you receive after telling a very funny story? You remember how you'll be unable to speak as you're waiting for the laughter to die down? I'm going for that effect.


















Would it be a different story if we had eggnog as opposed to beer? You ready for another blank space enough for a paragraph?

Credits to Journal Online.

Super Excitedly Early Christmas Post # 1: Which Christmas Song Best Brings Home the Bacon? Or Ham? Or Bibingka?

I've been burning discs like a fool on a mission since we had the broadband loving going on at home. What used to take 20 minutes to download on a better day on dial up now takes about less than two minutes on broadband. I'm telling you, 2006 has never looked this promising in any given third world country. Yeah, I'm saying that during the last quarter of the year. That's done on purpose, but that's not the point.

And it is in the holidays-specific spirit of music PLUS our current insane download rate that I'm preparing my Christmas playlist. In October. What can I say, I was raised to embrace the spirit this early on. And in this country where Christmas starts as early as November and ends somewhere during the first week of January, I don't think you can blame me for being this excited. I don't think YOU can blame yourself either. And, being blessed with the current download rate and all, I went on my happy sleighbell ringing self and launched the download button.

So here's a sort of compilation of the songs I have queued in Limewire. Feel free to take suggestions as you please, but I would love it if you guys can vote for at least three of the better Christmas songs which, as the title implies, sets the mood this early on. I'd love to create the most rocking-est Christmas Playlist as early as November.

All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey
White Christmas - Bing Crosby
The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire) - Nat King
Cole Do They Know It's Christmas - Band Aid
Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms
Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee
I'll Be Home For Christmas - Bing Crosby
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Jackson 5
Mary's Boy Child - Matt Monro
Winter Wonderland - Peggy Lee
Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Mel & Kim
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Jane McDonald
O Come All Ye Faithful -Stacie Orrico
Jingle Bells -Les Paul & Mary Ford
Do You Hear What I Hear -The Cliff Adams Singers
Joy To The World -The Choir Of St Paul's Cathedral
Hark The Herald Angels Sing -Harry Secombe

Yes, that's Limewire and not Itunes. See, it's okay to not have an IPod yet to hear these songs. You don't need an IPod to hear these songs. It's the Christmas spirit that matters. And, being increasingly materialistic these past few years, the Christmas spirit tells you to go on ahead and burn your thirteenth month pay on an IPod.