How to Medicate a Faggot. Or Some Jokes are Better Said in Tagalog.

**Ladies and gentlemen, presented for your enlightenment and further discussion-- a brief study on joke delivery.

First, the joke in the ideal tongue:

Q: Paano mo papainumin ng gamot ang bakla?
A: Ihalo mo sa tamod.

And now, it's english equivalent:

Q: How do you medicate a faggot?
A: Mix it with sperm.

My blog is a decidedly English mess, as far as the medium goes, but exceptions are in order if and only if it best gets the point across. Of course, I can choose to use the phrase "mix it with sperm" for consistency's sake, but that spineless translation doesn't hold water. Ihalo mo sa tamod is a killer. And I suppose it is the only judicious method with which to deliver that punchline.

Now if you can please repeat these lines repeatedly, and if you should be so kind to say it out loud for the benefit of those within earshot-- Ihalo mo sa tamod. Ihalo mo sa tamod. Ihalo mo sa tamod. Surely you, my reader of such individual and refined humor, will agree, hopefully, unless you're autistic, that this tagalog equivalent, this mischievous mantra, is the only acceptable currency that will make the joke profitable. Mix it with sperm makes it sound like an episode of Junior Masterchef. Or a refresher in Chemical Engineering. This english equivalent weakens the thunder of the joke, bankrupts the toilet humor, and it will embarass the teller with decidedly "polite" reactions. Or it can be a dirty finger, too, depending on the company you're entertaining at that time.

Mix it with sperm. You know you blew the joke somewhere when you're getting paid in tight-lipped smiles.

Now, here's the kicker. Understand that this joke works best when said by another faggot; there is nothing quite as mentally sound as making fun of yourself. It's an unspoken license, a perk if you may, much like our African-American friends and their N-word. It will, however, appear bigoted and offensive when delivered by a non-member, a non-GL Card holder (GL Card = Ganda Lang Card). This sanction includes you "babaeng baklas." You know we love you, not as much as we love our boys, but we love you just the same. Yes, we allowed you rights to our slanguage, but there are things that are, for lack of a better term, non-transferable. Don't try to circulate this joke for your own benefit. I will scalp you.


What you can do, though, is you can teach this joke to one of your many, many homosexual friends. Let them deliver. It doesn't matter how they say it, or how they do it, but it rolls better, and sounds safer off a homosexual tongue.